Transcript
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But here's the thing I want everyone to hear, because we've changed.
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To believe doesn't mean our behavior when we wake up the next morning is now in alignment and perfect.
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It won't be.
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We didn't get to our dysfunction overnight.
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We won't get to our freedom overnight.
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I do believe it's possible.
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Typically, the process is the work of continuing to declare new realities and new truth Declarations over my life, my relationships, my abilities in that area, so that, as I declare them, my behavior has to start aligning with my declaration.
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Hey, uncommon Leaders, welcome back.
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This is the Uncommon Leader Podcast and I'm your host, john Gallagher.
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Today I've got inspiring author Rick Torsen on the microphone.
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Rick, a newly crowned USA Today bestselling author and renowned executive coach, dives deep into the transformative power of breaking through self-imposed limitations.
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Rick shares profound insights from his book Born Limitless cross-limiting beliefs, cultivate an infinite mindset and unleash your true potential, which he says took him a lifetime to write.
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In this interview, rick highlights the crucial impact of identifying and replacing limiting beliefs with limitless ones, urging listeners to stop settling for less and start living a life without ceilings.
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So, whether you're struggling with personal or professional challenges, this episode promises to provide a framework for awareness and growth, inspiring you to declare your desires and shift your mindset.
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Let's get started.
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Rick Torrisson, usa Today best-selling author.
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Rick Torrisson, just recently, great to have you on the Uncommon Leader podcast.
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I'm so looking forward to talking to you about your book and about the process that you went through and some of the great things in it that led to that bestseller status, or maybe even a little bit about how you wrote it, uh, and all the fun that goes along there.
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But I'm going to start you off with the first question that I always start all my first time guests on the podcast and I said tell me a story from your childhood that still impacts who you are as a person or as a leader today.
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Yeah, that's a great question and, john, first of all, thank you for letting me be on your show.
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I love the podcast.
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I've been listening to episodes, man, so in line with everything that you do, and so God bless you, man.
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Thank you so much for this opportunity to spend a few minutes with you today and to learn from you and then to share a little bit about my story.
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So you know, there's interesting stories.
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I'll tell you.
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I was a single parent, raised by a single parent and a grandmother.
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I was a latchkey kid before there were latchkeys.
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You know I'm 60 years old.
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So you know, I know I don't look it.
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It's okay, everybody.
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I work out hard.
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You know I'm trying to keep up with my life.
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But lots of stories and there's some I tell in my book really that shaped me, that were the foundation for where I am today, and they weren't the best of stories.
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They were really some stories with some challenging heartache.
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I had some abuse situations by a babysitter that marked me and I bring that one up.
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It's not this positive story, but it's really when I reflect back and have learned I built my framework and how I understand limiting beliefs and overcoming limiting beliefs based on the beliefs I established over myself.
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When this abuse happened, it was about six years old and it was a babysitter, and I don't need to get in the details.
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We understand abuse and so you guys know that, and I had to define it and interpret it as it was happening.
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Right, because that's what we do it's like.
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Why is this happening?
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And I started to define myself in a certain manner.
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I must have deserved this.
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I must be bad.
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All women must be this.
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There was all these things that I didn't know at the time.
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But what we do to try to understand or justify something that's happening, we interpret an experience.
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So I interpreted those experiences and what I found that I realized looking back is those interpretations or definitions of that experience became beliefs, became beliefs.
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Those beliefs began to drive my behaviors throughout my life.
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Those behaviors weren't the best towards females and women in relationships, and I found myself with a myriad of broken relationships until I met my wife, who I'm now married to for 33 years.
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But I remember being with her and going man.
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This is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
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And then I remember self-sabotaging that relationship.
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I thought why am I doing this to this relationship that I really want to be with her.
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I share that story because that's what got me, probably 30 years ago.
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That's what got me going.
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Oh, my goodness, what's going?
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What do I believe about myself and relationships that is causing me to ruin something that I really value and desire?
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And so I started digging in at that point, over 30 years ago, of going what is up with our beliefs and how they drive our behaviors that give us our outcomes, and what if they're not good beliefs or what if they're based on a lie?
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And I'm living my life around these beliefs that were based off of a lie that I told myself in a situation.
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So, anyways, that's kind of jumped right into the deep end, right, but that's a story and that's shaped this whole process that I've been in my whole life.
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Rick, I appreciate you sharing that.
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So you go from six years old and, as you shared, to 60 years old.
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You have these experiences, these stories, these awarenesses, if you will, about some of the these limiting beliefs that you had.
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It's uh brought itself to your, your USA Today bestselling book, Born Limitless.
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Crush Limiting Beliefs, Cultivate an Infinite Mindset and Unleash your True Potential.
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So you had 54 years to really write that, as you've gone through those stories, and so it's a great book, we know, just because of the time that it took.
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And congratulations also for being married for 33 years as well.
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So I just celebrated 30, uh just a couple of weeks ago.
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So congratulations that you don't hear that as much anymore.
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So it's a no, you don't, and I just love to honor that.
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And uh, I know, you know, you know and I know that road is can be difficult, but, man, it's worth it.
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I'm more in love with my wife today than I ever was.
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So you write, you write the book, and it sounds like you wrote the book for your old self, if you will, in terms of going down through that journey.
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But tell me, tell me a little bit more who did you write this book for and why did you write it?
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Yeah, so it was interesting.
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I do a lot of executive coaching, personal coaching and some of the things that I do, and I've been kind of coaching for a long time, but professionally for the last 10 years or so.
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And as I was coaching people, I kept running into this place of realizing you know, we typically coach or a lot of people call it mentoring, right, or trying to get people around skill sets to do better at their jobs, to be more productive, whatever it is to deal with things that they're trying to break through.
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And as I was working with people, I realized it wasn't the systems and the processes that were holding people back.
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It was our belief system.
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It was a narrative we were telling ourselves in certain areas of our lives not every area, but in certain areas of our lives.
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It was these narratives that we would be telling ourselves I can't, I won't, I'm never, I'm not, and we don't even realize we're saying them, we don't even realize they're there.
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And I kept running into these walls coaching people like, why can't we break through?
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And we have the system, the process, the know-how, the passion, the vision, the desire, yet we keep hitting these walls.
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And that's when because I was doing my own work, but I wasn't associating the work with me and my limiting beliefs with my coaching.
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And I realized in that process and you know what it is, it's these limiting beliefs.
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And so the book is really short, you know 30, some years of life, and 100 pages, right.
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Life in 100 pages, right?
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So it's really just about the framework around where our limiting beliefs come from, how we establish them, how do we identify them, crush them and replace them with a limitless belief that allows us then to break through the ceilings in certain areas of our lives.
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I'll say this last thing with that sorry.
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We hold limiting beliefs that become truths because we've held them so long.
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We don't I just.
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We hold limiting beliefs that become truths because we've held them so long we don't even realize they're limiting beliefs anymore.
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We call them normal.
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And what happens?
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What I learned is and the reason I wrote this is people who are living in a normal that's not supposed to be their normal, and I challenge people what if the normal you're living under isn't normal?
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If it is, then this is where you're at, but if it's not, what could be waiting for you on the other side of normal that you're calling this thing you're calling normal?
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I appreciate you sharing that Again with the stories that go along with it.
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You being a John Maxwell fan, a member, a certified coach and executive director in the Maxwell program, you know that he does a great job of bringing those things down on the lower shelf.
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So let's talk about that topic then, of a limiting belief.
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Early on in your book you talk about the difference between a limiting belief.
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And then let's go to your book title Limitless Belief, so define what a limiting belief is for me and then take me on a journey to limitless belief.
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Awesome, I appreciate that.
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Yeah, I love John Maxwell.
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I've learned so much in my relationship with him and their organization over the last 10 years.
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It's been really foundational and a big driver for me.
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So the idea of a limiting belief.
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What is a limiting belief?
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It's anything that we hold that doesn't serve us.
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The challenge is we don't realize it.
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Typically, we don't realize that we have a belief that doesn't serve us, and so, for me, the coaching process really begins when people are willing it goes back to that normal willing to challenge some of the mindsets that they have around their beliefs about themselves, others and the world around them.
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It's typically an identity issue, it's a belief about what they can and can't do, and it typically came about in their lives somewhere in their journey, and it's typically based on how they interpret an experience.
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Our experiences don't give us limiting beliefs, they're just experiences.
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How we interpret the experience creates a belief system and it doesn't need to be limiting.
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They can be limitless beliefs.
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We all know people and we have places in our lives where we have this belief that man, you can't stop me.
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I played basketball in high school and college and a little bit after college overseas, and I had this great confidence.
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I knew I wasn't an NBA player but I could compete at my level, at a pretty high level, and I believed I could.
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I knew I could and that drove my actions and my behaviors, the confidence I had in that area.
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But then you turn me over into relationships and face that area and it was not pretty.
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I didn't believe I had confidence.
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I didn't believe in myself, I didn't believe in the others.
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So there was this whole other framework that I had adopted because of what I shared the experience of my life.
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So a limiting belief is anything in our lives that actually isn't serving us or has put a ceiling over our lives and is causing us to settle for something less than we were born and created for.
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So that's a limiting belief.
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We all have them.
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They're there, whether we realize it or not, and that's the process.
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So a limitless belief comes, and I'll share this a little bit.
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I don't know where everyone sits in your community here, but I'm a person of faith and so I believe in our createdness.
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Now you don't have to believe in that for me to coach you.
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I don't lead with that, but it drives how I view people, all people, and I believe in our createdness that there were no accidents.
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Right, both of my children are adopted.
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They were adopted from birth.
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Both of them were conceived in rape.
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The world could have said you know what, to those birth mothers that 15 and 16 year old young ladies, these children don't matter, they weren't planned, they were not expected.
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You know all these things, that you could choose another path, because we think that their value is based on their conception or their environment or their circumstances or what people say over them.
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And I say this I don't think so.
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I think our value is predetermined.
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There is a value in us, in our very nature of our DNA, that, regardless of our circumstances, we have greatness within us.
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Now, circumstances are real.
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Conditions of our birth are real.
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Experiences we have are real.
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Are real.
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Conditions of our birth are real.
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Experiences we have are real.
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I don't displace those, but those things then cause us to have definitions of what's possible for us because of my circumstances and I challenge people.
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I understand that, but does that have to be true?
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Can there be another pathway?
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Can there be another mindset or belief system?
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And so a limitless belief to me is this understanding that you will, you can and you are, as opposed to I can't, I'm not and I won't.
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And when we start shifting our language, that impacts our whole physiology, it impacts everything about our subconscious.
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It has to start aligning and agreeing with I can, I will and I am Right.
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And so when we can identify where we're saying we can't, we won't or we'll never, and shift that language, we begin to shift our energy, we begin to shift our beliefs and then we can begin to change our behaviors.
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Does that make sense, rick, I'm following with you, as you, as you say that.
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I mean, I just have things that pop into my mind.
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I'm now a part of an accountability group I'd stop short of saying mastermind, but certainly a a group of men and one of the things we talked on early on a couple years back were those limiting beliefs, and if we heard each other saying those things that were keeping us from there, they we'd ask each other to turn them around.
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Yeah, and what that?
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positive mindset might be because I remember one myself, if I, if I own one very specifically, if there there was something that you know bad whether you, the one I used to love to say was if I was in the ATM and there are two ATM machines and I jump behind one line, they each have two cars in each line but I get behind the slower of the two cars and my, my uh favorite response, if you will, is all it's just my life story and there's a limiting belief, even in something as simple as that to talk about how you know I just you know, whatever line I get in, it's going to be the one that takes the longest, and it's something that we started to call each other out on.
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So there's an awareness that has to exist in that limiting belief mindset, but there's also that accountability for calling it out, and as an executive coach, you've got to do that on a regular basis and so let's stay in that space.
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There's a chasm between limiting belief mindset current state where I am today and the desire to have a limitless belief mindset when you're coaching individuals.
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What are the barriers you see that get in your way?
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Maybe you talked about some of those in terms of circumstance.
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But what are some of the other barriers you have to see folks overcome to move in that direction?
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Yeah, that's a great question.
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I have a framework that I use to help people understand.
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The biggest barrier that we've already mentioned 100% of the time is awareness that they actually have a limiting belief and that that belief is possibly based on a lie.
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If I can't break through that, if they won't question the normal, we'll never make it anywhere in the conversation.
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It's, it's a, it's a dead end before we start.
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So that's really the biggest thing.
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Right, the framework says this All of the outcomes that we get in our lives the good and the bad doesn't matter, it's neutral outcomes, products of actions.
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All of our outcomes come from an action, a behavior.
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Right, everything we do has a result.
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There's fruit to it, good or bad, but there's fruit.
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Every behavior that we do, all of our behaviors, stem from a belief that we have.
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We may not consciously think about it, but there's nothing we do in our lives, no behaviors that aren't attached to some form of understanding or belief.
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Right, those beliefs are formed by how we interpret life as we move through it.
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Things said, things done.
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Experiences, how we define, how we understand, they create a belief.
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That belief demands action or behavior.
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They have to align.
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We will not survive with our beliefs and our behaviors aren't aligned Good or bad, they will.
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Ultimately, the belief will drive us back to a certain behavior.
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Then we have the outcomes.
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So the challenge I ask people is are there any outcomes in your life that you are tired of or want to change?
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So they'll say, yeah, I've been stuck here, I can't break through here.
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I'm leading here, whatever it might be Okay.
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So you want to change the outcomes.
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What is the vision?
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What do you want?
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Not what you don't want, but what do you want.
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That's the other big thing is people have a hard time creating a positive future vision.
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They can tell you what they don't want, but we have a hard time describing what we do want.
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And so that's the other breakthrough is I hear what you don't want.
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That was my own story.
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When I was, I had an anger issue.
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It wasn't physical, but it was intense.
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I was intense.
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Your guests can, your viewers can probably tell there's a lot of passion.
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So my son he was little and I kept just getting angry.
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My intensity would intimidate and scare him when he was like this is not what I want to be.
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And so I was going through counseling and coaching and the whole thing, and they kept saying well, what do you want?
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And all I could tell him was what I didn't want.
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I don't want to be angry anymore.
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I don't want my son to grow up angry.
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I don't want, I don't want, I don't want.
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He kept saying I understand, but what do you want?
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And I go back, I don't want this.
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And he said I understand, but what do you want?
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And I was like you're driving me crazy, I'm telling you.
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And he said, no, you're not telling me what you want.
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And it hit me and I was like, oh, I don't have a vision for what it would look like to not be angry.
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And so I'm telling myself don't be angry.
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But our subconscious, which is what drives us, only hears angry, be angry.
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And so I was continuing that cycle until I started to say, ok, I want to be peaceful, I want to listen first, I want to respond.
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Slowly, I started declaring what I wanted Right.
00:18:09.193 --> 00:18:10.815
So here's the thing, right.
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So we have outcomes, we have behaviors, we have beliefs.
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And, john, let me ask you this like in your relationships and what you've seen in business and this is practical right when we don't like the outcomes, what do we typically try to put our energy towards when we don't like the results we're getting Well.
00:18:28.279 --> 00:18:29.924
I mean, too often it's excuses.
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But certainly I want to change the behavior, change the action, set up a new discipline.
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A new discipline, new system, new process, and those are important.
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You cannot change your outcomes without changing a behavior.
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The problem is we never get to the reason why we act that way and if we don't ask the belief question how many times have you tried to change a behavior?
00:18:49.766 --> 00:18:51.367
And we end up right back where we were and go.
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Man, and I've got a strong will.
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I can change my behaviors and I can sustain it for a long time.
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99.9% of the time, something's going to happen that's going to cause me to revert back to what I'm comfortable with, what I'm familiar with, what I believe, because I never changed my belief that was driving my behavior.
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Does that make sense?
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So the coaching, the strongholds, are those places where people have not asked those questions.
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They've not thought about the actual beliefs that are causing them to behave repetitiously in this way.
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That doesn't serve them anymore.
00:19:26.974 --> 00:19:33.701
Once we do that, we can work through everything else them anymore.
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Once we do that, we can work through everything else.
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We can.
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100% of the time, I can get someone to level up their life to that limitless life, whatever that means to them.
00:19:38.099 --> 00:19:41.949
We can get there pretty easily once they start recognizing.
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I got to change this belief, which is going to make me change my behaviors, which, over time, will give me better outcomes.
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Hey listeners, I want to take a quick moment to share something special with you.
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Many of the topics and discussions we have on this podcast are areas where I provide coaching and consulting services for individuals and organizations.
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If you've been inspired by our conversation and are seeking a catalyst for change in your own life or within your team, I invite you to visit coachjohngallaghercom forward slash free call to sign up for a free coaching call with me.