Cultivating Connections: Embracing the Art of Friendship with Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey on common leaders, welcome back. This is the uncommon leader podcast and I'm your host, john Gallagher and today's episode. We're diving deep into the topic of friendship with a dynamic duo who've taken the world of fellowship by storm. It was awesome to have Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston, the co-founders of the viral page sister, I am with you joining me for this episode. Not only are they the best selling authors of I'll be there, but I'll be wearing sweatpants but they've been on national platforms such as Good Morning America sharing their wisdom on forging strong bonds. Today, we peel back the layers of friendship as Amy and Jess open up about their newest venture, a book that's sparking conversations everywhere. Here for it, the good, the bad and the case of to practical guide that goes beyond the surface, helping us transform okay friendships into extraordinary ones through understanding and a generous dash of vulnerability. So, whether you're sitting with your lifelong friend or reaching out to a new acquaintance, grab a bowl of queso of my friends and let's get ready for an episode filled with laughter, insight and the kind of advice that just might change your friendships forever. Let's get started. Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnson is so cool to have you on the uncommon leader podcast. How are you both doing today?

Speaker 2: 1:13

Thank you for having us.

Speaker 1: 1:16

I'm excited that's. That's how this is going to work with three. It's not going to it's going to be one of those things where we talk over each other and we go through that, but that's okay as we go forward. I have been looking forward to this conversation for a while and I think I'm prepped for a really fun conversation today. We're here to talk about your book coming out. Here for it the good, the bad and the queso and we'll jump into that pretty soon. But I would be remiss if I didn't ask you the same question. I always ask my first time guests on the podcast, and that's to tell me a story from your childhood that still impacts who you are as a person today. And Amy will start with you, so we don't start right over in that, Jessica, I'll come to you as well.

Speaker 3: 1:51

Okay, the first one that stands out. There was this boy. I will not say his name, but he had a crush on me in elementary school. I did not care for him, I did not care for the attention, I didn't like it. But I'm trying to think there was one day he was. This is so stupid. He was in gym class and he was looking at me, mike. He didn't say anything, just felt like he was looking at me and I turned around and I told him to shut up, which is hilarious, because he literally said no words. I told him to shut up. I get home and there is a. He has left a voicemail on our phone recorder and so my mom can hear it and she's saying, or he says, like Amy, this is so, and so I just wanted to know why you told me to shut up today. That really hurt my feelings. And my mom kind of turns around and looks at me and she says, Amy, did you tell him to shut up? And I just run off. I just run off, I hide for a while because I'm so embarrassed. And then my mom kind of talks me through the conversation and she asked me this question how do you think that made? him feel and she made me apologize. But then she made me also say I don't like this attention that you're giving me. Please stop, I don't like you. That way we can be friends. That way we can be friends. But she didn't make me think about how it made him feel and I think that was as like a young age that was such an important thing to learn that. Oh so everything I say affects other people, everything I do does have this impact on them, and kind of an important thing to like own up and apologize and just learn that other people have feelings. Early on was I don't know, just something I've always remembered.

Speaker 1: 3:39

Even young. They'll stick with us for a long time, right, and so I mentioned that what people, what we say to people, what we do, but they remember, really remember how you made them feel and that's that feeling side of what was there. That's for you, that's remember and probably change the way you approach things in the future. I appreciate sharing that and I'm sure he appreciates you Apologize and then and even talking about him now that he's I hope he's so happy. All right, Jessica, what about you?

Speaker 2: 4:07

I would say you talked about moving a lot. I moved a lot as a kid, so I I don't have necessarily a specific. I mean I have a lot of specific memories of being the new kid, of walking in and feeling like how do I fit in here, how do I not act weird, how who can I sit with? And that anxiety that comes with that. And I definitely that definitely affects me still today. I mean, I still have moments like that, that lonely feeling of oh no, like I don't have a person here and I'm on my own. I better put my best foot forward or whatever. But that still impacts me. In seeing other people who are the new person, or just learning how To make friendships from like ground level, like with nothing, no, no foundation at all.

Speaker 1: 5:10

Well, I can't wait to have the conversation about that. I know that's in that book. I mean I want to hear the story here in just a little bit about how the two of you ended up meeting, because that's really about in your first book, but I think it says a lot. I have one and Aggie, from Texas and a closet 49er fan who's not allowed to be.

Speaker 2: 5:25

She's actually a fan from California. Exactly that wrote a book about that.

Speaker 1: 5:29

That wrote a book together, or wrote two books, about friendship as we go forward. So let's jump into it. Here's the book is here for it. The good, the bad and the case. So let's start right there. The good, the bad and the case. So where did this title come from? Talk to me.

Speaker 2: 5:47

Well, we both love case, so I mean so much who? doesn't love case. So our first book is I'll be there, but I'll be wearing sweatpants, which is like so us, we love our sweatpants, we love casual, we love real and authentic and case. So it's just, it's just the next best thing, like sweatpants and case. So there's just nothing better. And also, we wanted to talk about our first. Our first book really scratched the surface. I feel like a friendship, and this one we dug deeper and so the good and the bad, the hard conversations and the case.

Speaker 3: 6:22

And I think case so too. I mean we do love case, so and talk about it a lot. And it was kind of picking a title because I thought I'll be there but I'll be wearing sweatpants. That's good, that's a title, it's kind of catchy, it's kind of funny, sweatpants makes people laugh. And so my head I was like we've got to have something that like measures up to that. And the only thing I could think of that really measures up to sweatpants is case. But case is also a food that you eat, it with people. You share a bowl of case, so and so that we love the imagery of people sitting around just like not double dipping but like digging into this case so unapologetically and just eating and sharing it all together.

Speaker 1: 7:06

I love that and it even talks about the framework of your book as well. So you share your I think it's shares your favorite case. So recipes in the front, right off the bat, and then each of these chapters rolls around these different topics of friendship and ultimately gives up recipe for fixing those things as well. So I like how it flows on the way through and I appreciate it, thank you. Like case of myself as well in terms of how it goes forward. It doesn't always like me, but that's because I can't sit down and just have two or three of them as well. When you're sitting around with friends, you just start dipping and you don't even. You don't even realize they're having it there. So this book the good, the bad and hear for it it's your second book. What was it that drove you to write this book? What was, what was the need to write this book and what do you want folks to read or to hear when they read it and feel it?

Speaker 2: 7:51

I think we both had actually gone through pretty difficult seasons of friendship after our first book. We were in a pretty great season of friendship when we wrote our first book. Just we'd worked really hard on our friendships, we were really thriving in that area and we're close friends. So we really, after that book we, amy and I, walked through our own friendship heartbreaks, disappointments, just a difficult season, and we both had those seasons before. We're not new to it. But, I think we kind of thought we were done with it, Like I thought like oh yeah, I know I've got my people out. We figured it out we found it.

Speaker 3: 8:34

We did it. Look at us, we are the experts Like we did it. And then there was a sort of humbling that came from both of us separately Just lost a friend and just went through some parts separately and I think we had thought that we'd figured it out, it wasn't going to happen. And then boom, right after the first book comes out, there it is.

Speaker 2: 8:55

It was really hard and we had when we were talking about and having these conversations, like on podcasts with our first book. There were these harder questions about that people had about friendship breakups and things like that, and we really wanted to dig into that deeper. We knew it was something that was happening in our lives and we're pretty sure that it was probably happening in other people's lives and our followers' lives as well.

Speaker 1: 9:25

The. You know the idea behind friendship and it's one of the things that I talk about in my coaching that you know the power of friendship is so important and when we go through that it's all right. You know, dollop blus, blup blus, things like that.

Speaker 3: 9:40

That's Lou. I mentioned her in the book too.

Speaker 1: 9:44

Hey, perfect, what the what? The sea Lou in the background as well. The idea behind friendship is something I think is so important Again that, with the audience here being leaders and those that are, you know, really continuously growing the idea that we work so much and we don't have the opportunity to create those friendships can be, frankly, as makes sense. The opposite of it will be very lonely as you go forward. So when you, when you talk with the folks, when you've been on other podcasts, when you talk with folks about friendship, you, you meet with folks about the book, what are some of the barriers that you see folks are running into with regards to friendships and how they can't find that friendship that you all were talking about. The two of you were talking about that you have.

Speaker 3: 10:27

Man I think there are so many, I think one. Our culture is just, we're a pretty individualistic culture and I I believe that you know, that's kind of our culture has evolved really quickly to become a little more isolated. We're in our house, we have groceries delivered to us, school pickup, we just drive through and pick up our kids and move on. I can go, I could, I could go weeks without seeing another person, technically, you know, but I think our brains are kind of still in that village place where we still kind of crave that village. We want that help from other people. We really don't want to do this alone, and so I just think we're in a weird place between those two things. And it is one where, like I said, I could go weeks without seeing people. I can have everything delivered straight to me. So it's like it's hard to make the effort to do it because it doesn't come natural anymore. It is, it is a genuine effort. I think about it as we just had the holidays. So let's say, like you've got the table set up for Thanksgiving and you've got all the food laid out, and then someone comes in and they're like oh, where am I going to put the pie. There's not really place for the pie. You have to very intentionally move other things around to make room for it, and I think friendship is like that too. You have to be very intentional about moving other things. If you're waiting for free time to come to you, it won't. If you're waiting for a friendship to just magically happen. It won't. It takes intentionally moving other things making room for it. And then I also I think we've been rejected a lot. I think we've been hurt a lot. So I think we have a lot of walls built up. I think we have a lot of fear. And then I think there's like a third thing where a lot of us want friendship to happen to us. We want someone to come and be a good friend to us. We want to be invited and we forget that we have the power to give those things. You know, I also. People are like you're not going to find a friend If you're sitting inside your home and you're waiting for someone to come knock on your door and be like hey, come, be my friend, let's, let's do this thing. That's terrifying, and you should. That person is trying to kidnap you. You should not be friends with them. But that's just not how it happens. You kind of have to. You have to make the effort, you have to get out there, you have to get past some of your own fears. And it doesn't happen right away. It takes time to build a relationship. It takes time to have that trust and that safety and that kind of comfort level. It doesn't just happen, you have to very intentionally build it, and I just think it's hard, yeah, and it's hard, absolutely that ischio, that isriasio Trusting is hard to get. Trusting is hard.

Speaker 1: 13:17

So I mean you touched on some things. It takes intentionality Love that word intentionality. I want to talk about that one, actually in one second the feeling of you've been rejected before. You don't want to get hurt again. We want it to happen to us, so we wait for it as we go forward. It takes time, it is hard. I mean those are five things and again you've got 21 of those in your book here in terms of 21 chapters that talk about the barriers. That intentionality reminds me of a story and it was something. As I read through the notes I went back oh gosh, it's been 20 years now where my wife and I were, as we talked about the moves and we were not making friends in our new town and we weren't being very intentional. So it got to the point where we were getting very frustrated with each other in our friendship. We said we've got to change something. And I literally there were five or six couples in our church that we went to that I thought, well, I'm just going to call them and see if they want to start up a small group. And you call them and you talk to them and the same thing I get the same response. In all five couples. We've been waiting for someone to call us and ask us to do that. It takes someone, it takes a catalyst to get that started and make that happen.

Speaker 2: 14:19

Right.

Speaker 1: 14:20

That sounds a little bit. How did the two of you meet? And that was a unique story that was there as well. How did you two meet?

Speaker 2: 14:30

Well, first of all, I want to say my journey of friendship was very similar. We also became really lonely and we realized my husband and I and we realized we have to do something to change this. So we decided we were going to have people over every Friday night and we were like we're just doing it, we're not we're going to invite people over, we're doing it. And so we would go, I would go up to people at church or whatever and be like do you want to? come to our house on Friday night for dinner and it was similar. I was shocked because I always thought if people wanted to be friends with me, they would pursue me. But everybody was like, oh, we've been so lonely, we've wanted to connect but we don't know how, or we were just so busy, we don't know how to start a conversation or whatever. And we were totally shocked at how they were grateful to be invited, not like, oh yeah, I guess we can come over and be your friend for you, and that totally changed my life. But Amy, she really was the catalyst for our friendship. We were in similar writing groups and she just slid into my DMs one day and said, hey, I like the way you write, let's be friends. So we just we had a very similar writing style right from the get go. I think we both saw in each other like this is someone that I could connect with. And we started messaging back and forth and then started talking on the phone and we just really clicked and connected. It was just, it's been a very special friendship. I don't feel like you get very many of those in your life where it just works right away and you're like, yeah, I get you. Like the first time we met in real life I was like yes, you're exactly who I thought you were. And it just works. It totally works, like we just were, like sisters that I've never met. I don't think that that's super common. We can't just expect that to happen all the time, but this was very special.

Speaker 1: 16:38

Very cool Slid into the DMs Intentional.

Speaker 3: 16:43

Intentional, and it started with a little bit of bravery. Yes, my part and I always I tell people I'm like we're so afraid that people are going to think we're weird If we, if we send them a message and compliment them, or if we stop and talk to them or if we ask them over to our house, we're so afraid people are going to think we're weird. But I was like what's so bad about being weird? Yeah, that's so bad. That's the worst thing people have to say about me. Bring it on. Like let them say I was weird. Just don't let them say I was rude. Don't let them say that I didn't take charge of my own life. Don't let them say that I didn't try. Like, I don't know, I think we're just so afraid to be weird. And I'm like no, do it, just do it. Do it, the right people will. The right people will figure it out and be there for you. We'll love you more for that. You know that little bit of authenticity and kind of bravery and stepping outside of the comfort zone.

Speaker 1: 17:40

Hey listeners, I want to take a quick moment to share something special with you. Many of the topics and discussions we have on this podcast are areas where I provide coaching and consulting services for individuals and organizations. If you've been inspired by our conversation and are seeking a catalyst for change in your own life or within your team, I invite you to visit coachjohngallaghercom forward slash free call to sign up for a free coaching call with me. It's an opportunity for us to connect, discuss your unique challenges and explore how coaching or consulting can benefit you and your team. Okay, let's get back to the show. You just touched on my next question. Really, that's not that Cause, like you go to the end of the book. I'm not going to share all 10, but you have 10 steps you have to do right To, in essence, what you talk about deepening your friendships and doing life together and one of the steps is in there is it takes courage. Okay, that's fear. And because, again, ultimately, like we think we're the only ones with fear, but the fear is on both sides of that conversation and so you've got to get outside of your comfort zone and risk being rejected in that space. To your point, jessica, you talked about some of the eye rolling that may occur and some, yeah, that might. That might happen once in a while, but generally it doesn't, it's pretty rare. It really is. I mean, how do you work with folks you know to tell them to have the courage to do that?

Speaker 2: 19:05

Oh man, it's just like anything like. You have to do it scared, don't overthink it, don't, don't focus on the fear so much and think, oh well, this is a sign that maybe I shouldn't do it, like, no, it's not. And, recognizing that most people feel scared about you, don't think that because it seems in your own mind like a silly fear, at least for me. Like this is so silly, you don't, you can't even admit that how afraid you are. But everybody feels that. And then the two big things I would say is do it scared and then ignore the awkward, because when you're first starting out in a friendship, there's probably going to be a period of time where it's awkward. But instead of worrying about that and thinking, oh, it's a sign they don't like me, this isn't working, it's not. It's not a sign of any kind. When you're getting to know someone, it can be a little awkward and that can cause fear too, but just keep putting one foot in front of the other and move through it, because it will pass.

Speaker 1: 20:08

I love that. Do it scared and ignore the awkward, because it is awkward.

Speaker 2: 20:12

There's, there's yeah, it's awkward You're, you're making him a brand new person. You don't know, you just don't. You have to do it in order to really get to know each other and find that comfort, start out that comfortable.

Speaker 1: 20:26

Very cool. Well, let me ask you this. So this is something that actually, as I read it, it came to my mind, so it's some of it sounds like a country song to me. I've got bar friends. I've got work friends. I've got church friends. I've got, you know, hometown friends, great friends, fake friends, I got all those different types of friends. You know, should we have different types of friends and how many should we have if it's going to work well?

Speaker 3: 20:48

Yeah, I actually do think we need different kinds of friends, and I think that that's okay to kind of know. Something I've been really working on with myself and I don't even think we really have this in the book is just like accepting things as they are and not trying to like, force it to be more, not being disappointed when they can't meet those expectations that we have, because that's almost like when we put expectations on another person, oh, I expect they will respond like this it's like we're entering into a trade agreement that they haven't signed off on. They haven't signed off on that.

Speaker 1: 21:21

What are we?

Speaker 3: 21:22

doing. They don't know what we expect of them. That's, it's ridiculous. We're setting everybody up for disappointment. So I've tried to just be in this place. We're just accepted. If this is your friend, that like we love to talk about 90s music trivia, and let that be what it is. If it gradually grows into more cool. If it never does, okay. Like I have a friend, katie, that I adore. Like she lived here, we were really close and for a while just really enjoyed her. She moved. That relationship changed. But now we still twice a year like last night when the Golden Globes we send screenshots of our favorite dresses to each other and that's become this little tradition with us. The friendship is not. There's not a lot more depth than that, but I still appreciate it for what it is. So I do think that's okay to have different friends. This friend is the one I'm going to go to for wisdom. This is the friend. If I'm in this place, I know this friend will be there to like, lift me up and have fun, and I think that's okay. I think it's hard to expect you can't expect every friendship to be the same, because people are different and our relationship with each other is different, so you can expect every friendship to be the same. You can't expect them to feel the same and I don't think you can expect it's pretty rare that one person can fill all of your needs. That's a lot. So I think it's okay to have different friends, and how many friends totally depends on you. That's a. That's a we kind of have all. We have different capacities for friendship. We have a different amount of friendships that we can hold. And the first book we talked about Dunbar's theory and he kind of was setting chimpanzees and he kind of watched the way that they broke off and would form new families and became really interested in this and so wanted to know how this worked with humans. So basically what he came to the conclusion is that in your innermost circle the people that you talk to on a pretty much a daily basis you're closest, closest you have about you have enough room for about five of those people and this isn't going to include your spouse, family members, kids. So that's an exceptionally small, small number of really really close, close, close friendships. And I think the problem is we expect every friendship to be one of those five and it's just not possible.

Speaker 2: 23:43

That's not possible.

Speaker 3: 23:44

So you've got five. Then outside of that five you've got about 15 for like a close friend. This is a good, solid, close friendship, but it's not necessarily a daily sort of thing. Then out of 15, then it grows to like 150. And then it's like 2000 people whose faces and names you're able to like recognize. So that's always really helped me because I think I am somebody who would get hurt because I don't have any sisters. I have a pretty big capacity for friendship. So I expected every friendship to be in that five and I would get hurt if they would slip into that 15 and almost like push that person away because oh okay, well, you don't like me at all anymore. And now when I feel that happening, I just kind of say like, amy, you're number six, you're number six, that's not so bad. Just accept it for what it is, appreciate it and just move on. You know.

Speaker 1: 24:37

I love that awareness and especially, again, as you said, some people move from the first circle to the second circle or however. That works in and out once in a while, and some of that depends on how we grow as well. So there's I mean there's relocations that impact that, but there's also spaces that we still may have aspirations to grow into new roles, whatever that is, and and some folks just don't have that they like kind of where they are. And one of the one of the spots in that standpoint like how would you suggest you mentioned you got bumped out, maybe into number six, but how do you recommend folks actually, in almost intentionally, bump others out of their five, if you will, to bring to allow others into that? What are ways that you can, you know, end that really close relationship without having those bad feelings?

Speaker 3: 25:25

Um, I think if you're not, I think if you're ending a friendship, then that is fair. That is going to take a long talk, some honest truth. That is going to be hard and there's probably going to be some hurt. But if you're just taking a step back, I think you just take a step back. You know you're more careful and you pour into other places and you can sell them. Hey, man, I love you so much. I really appreciate this. My life is just really busy in this other area right now and I think being honest is good and I think sometimes we are scared of being honest. But the truth is, if we're honest and we come from a pure place of that conversation and they don't receive it, well, that might be your answer right there. That might be your answer. So I think operating out of honesty is such a big deal, but I think it's fine to just take a step back and just naturally pour more into other places and just pour less here.

Speaker 2: 26:23

Yeah, I think a lot of it can just be being intentional with who you do want to be close with, who you are feel that you are meant to do life with in this season, and just make sure that you are prioritizing that friendship, because we only have so much time, we're all so busy and it can be very easy for me to respond to the person with the greatest needs to be like well, this person's needing me, so I'm going to focus on that. But I think it's really health and that's not a bad thing. It's healthy to be there for people that are struggling or whatever, but it's really healthy to take a step back and evaluate who do I really want to invest in in this season? Who is a friend I'm supposed to walk with in this season? And make sure you're prioritizing that rather than just letting it drag you along through life.

Speaker 3: 27:18

I kind of think of it as a door. I don't want to shut the door on anybody unless it is absolutely positively necessary. I can count on one hand, I can count on less than one hand, the number of times I've ever done that I've been like this is really toxic. This is really a no for me. I have to completely shut the door Most of the time. I always want to leave that crack because you just never know and I don't. Friendship is so rare and it's so beautiful, so I don't want to close the door on that completely. So I think of it as a door of just how open are you going to keep it. How much are you going to close? That that's kind of up to you. I like that.

Speaker 1: 28:01

Again back to being very intentional about it as well. I'm excited about the book. I think it's going to be helpful for a lot of folks as it comes out and as this episode is released it'll be right around the time where your book is being released. So I want to talk about just a couple of chapters. Obviously we don't have time to talk about all of them, but a couple that hit me a little bit, one specifically for you all. So chapter 17 is. I know you live 1,200 miles away. Can you be here in five minutes? What's? the recipe if you can for long distance and you all kind of live that. What do you two do?

Speaker 2: 28:33

We do live that.

Speaker 1: 28:34

Maintain a long distance relationship, friendship.

Speaker 2: 28:39

We have learned. I'll be honest, I have not been great at long distance friendships in the past. I'm kind of like what's in front of me I'm focused on. It's hard for me to keep up with long distance friendships, but I just knew that what Amy and I had was really special and I've worked on getting better at that and with other friendships too. But I think just like any friendship, it's making time, it's being intentional and you know there's some special things about long distance friendship Amy and I talk about all the time you can really hash through some things long distance that you can't in real life. Like you can talk about the struggle you're having with an in-person friendship that you couldn't talk with another friend in town about because that would be throwing them under the bus, but I don't know that person. So you can really process things that are going on in your life in a different way. And I think also something really big that we learned is and this was Amy is to ask what can you handle today, especially with COVID going on and everything. We're not seeing each other every day but like how much can you handle? And not just like throwing up all the things we're struggling with on each other if they're also having a bad day, if that makes sense, Like are you, what's your capacity today? Can I just completely unleash? Or should we keep it light today and just being aware, because we aren't like seeing each other all the time so we don't know exactly what's going on, or you know what I mean? We can't see it in their eyes Like you're having a bad day. I'm not going to just vent all this horrible stuff to you right now.

Speaker 1: 30:31

I appreciate that and it's hard. I mean again, when you move, when you relocate, it's well. It's a story that my wife and I have lived where those friends were really close with. Together you move away. I love the description that you used, amy, in terms of just a point where you only send a couple photos once a year. You still let them know that you care and you appreciate them, but the distance is not going to allow you to be as close as you were before. Okay, one other point inside of the book. All listening is not created equal. Get good at giving attention. Let me share another story with you. So I watched this video I don't know if you've seen. You all have seen this before. It's called it's Not About the Nail and it's a short little two minute video where it's a girl that's talking to the guy and she's got a nail literally in the middle of her forehead and she's talking to him about the headache and how her sweaters are always snagging and he says, well, you do have a nail in your, in your head. And he's like she's it's not about the nail, stop talking about the nail. And ultimately it's like I just need you to listen to me. How do friends be better listeners to the and even friends as spouses to say I don't need you to solve this problem for me, I just need to listen to him right now.

Speaker 3: 31:42

Yeah, I think you just give this. This is not an area where I naturally thrive.

Speaker 1: 31:51

Are you a problem solver, amy?

Speaker 3: 31:53

I would not say I'm a problem solver, but I am chatty, I'm an encourager, I like it, I like it fun, I like everybody to be happy. And so I have to really remind myself of a couple things and, like I said, these are things that I am purposely working on right now is you just, sometimes you have to let them be sad, sometimes you have to let them go through their heart and their grief and you, just, you just listen. You don't need to cheer them up, that's not your job. Sometimes it is. You've got to know where the like, where, where is this going? What do they need right now? But sometimes they don't need you to cheer them up, they don't need you to lift them higher, they don't need you to encourage them, they literally need you to sit with them. So you sit, that's your role is to just sit. You cannot solve some things for them and, as uncomfortable as that may be, that's your job. Sit with them. And that's such a beautiful, beautiful thing. And then another one is to be. Let it be uncomfortable, let there be silences, let there be places where you are very honest and say I don't know how to help you here, I don't know what to say but man, I love you and I'm really, I am here for you and just kind of letting it be uncomfortable not not changing the subject when it gets hard and I think it's an important one and just really hearing what they have to say, because everything this person is saying pouring out to you, I just try to picture it like they're like exposing little pieces of their heart and I want to be aware of that, I want to care that they're. They're giving me this and I don't want to overpower it, I don't want to take over, I don't want to change the subject and I don't want to point it back to me because I think, well, I do, really think that's one of the keys of friendships and relationships. You know, whatever relationship you're in, we work so hard to be an interesting person, and that's not the point. That's not how you have a good friend, how you become a good friend or a good leader. Is you be interested? So be, interested, be interested, be interested. Yes, that's what they're saying. Be interested, ask really good questions that delve deeper. That okay. How are they going to expose pieces of their hearts more? How can I ask questions that will leave me to know more about them? That's the goal is to be interested, and I think so much of the time we just focus on being interesting, telling the funny stories, being charming, and that's really not what it's about.

Speaker 2: 34:38

Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 1: 34:41

And I watched your Good Morning America interview prior to interviewing you today and I saw they referenced the Ted Lasso scene in the movie and, as you said that there was a different Ted Lasso scene that came into mind, but he was saying be curious.

Speaker 2: 34:53

Yeah, be curious, just be curious, right, not judgmental.

Speaker 1: 34:57

Absolutely, and that's in your book as well about not being judgmental as you go forward. I know I could talk about all 21 of the chapters, because I know that I can grow in these areas as well. I do want to respect your time, though, as well, and know that it has flown by already. I want to ask you all a question, that I talked about it before we started, before we hit the record button, that I always ask my first time guest as well, and I'll give Jessica kind of go first here and then we'll come to Amy. But I'm going to this is the last question I'll ask, and then I'll get some information from you as to how we can find your book as well. I'm going to give you a billboard and it's funny, you're talking to an author, john, that just gave you a billboard. It's the title of the book, but I want you to go a little bit into the stories in terms of what's in the book. But you can put anything on that, a message you want to on that billboard. What is the message you want to put on that billboard, jessica, that folks can read, and why do you put that message on there?

Speaker 2: 35:53

Oh man, it's not just you. You're not alone. Whatever it is you're feeling with, feeling with friendship or struggling with in friendship, I promise you you're not the only one. That doesn't make you weird or incapable, it's just it's so common. Whatever it is, whether it's friendship, anxiety, whether it's whatever it is, it's not just you.

Speaker 1: 36:18

It's so funny.

Speaker 2: 36:18

We think we're unique, right, we're the only one with those issues, and that's just not true, and that's so isolating and it feels I think shame comes in at that point because you're like there's something wrong with me, but the truth is no, there's not. You're right, you're exactly who you should be, You're exactly where you should be, and it all just takes risk. It takes courage and resilience.

Speaker 1: 36:46

Excellent Amy.

Speaker 3: 36:48

I think it would be yes, you. And that's because I want people to know like, yes, you are capable of being a good friend, yes, you are capable of having good friendships, yes, you have the power to give these things away. I think we just feel so powerless and it's really. It's just like you said with making that phone call you kind of took it into your own hands of friendship is a gift. You're like an invitation. That's a gift that you're giving somebody and we forget that and we have the power to be giving these gifts away all the time, constantly. We can be giving these gifts away and we don't do it because we don't think that we have it in us Like, yes, you do, you have the power to give these things away, you have the power to listen. Well, you have the power to change and to grow. You have the power to really be the answer to somebody's prayer, and I just hope that we all are confident enough to believe that and to start giving those gifts away, because it really is a beautiful thing when we learn to do that, we learn to connect with other people, love that.

Speaker 1: 37:57

Thank you, Amy, here for it. The good, the bad and the case of the how to guide for deepening your friendships and doing life together by Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston. It's been a lot of fun having this conversation today. I know we could talk more, but folks may want to contact you after this. How do they get in touch with you and how do they find your book?

Speaker 2: 38:17

Well, you can find our book Anywhere books are sold. We have a website here for it, bookcom, where it kind of has all the links for Amazon, Barnes and Noble Target all those places where you can buy our book. And we have a Facebook page called Sister, I Am With you where we talk all things friendship. We love to have people get involved there. And then we both have our own individual pages Jess Johnston and Amy Weatherly on Facebook and also on Instagram.

Speaker 1: 38:51

Excellent. Well, I'll make sure to put links in the show. I'll post all those things, including how to get your book. I wish you all the best on the second one that comes out, and I know it's going to be fun. It's been great chatting with you today. I appreciate you sharing with the listeners.

Speaker 2: 39:05

Thank you for having us.

Speaker 3: 39:06

We love talking about friendship this was great, thank you.

Speaker 1: 39:12

Well, that's all for today's episode of the Uncommon Leader Podcast. Thanks for listening in. Please take just a minute to share this podcast with that someone you know that you thought of when you heard this episode. One of the most valuable things you can do is to rate the podcast and leave a review. You can do that on Apple Podcasts or you can rate the podcast on Spotify or any other platform you listen. Until next time, go and grow champions.