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And that's when I started writing my book and I decided okay, I think there needs to be a little bit more honesty about what's happening to us as business leaders, because I know plenty of people who have extreme financial success and are spiritually and emotionally bankrupt, or their physical shape is just completely out of whack because they've neglected sleep, proper diet and so forth.
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Hey Uncommon Leaders, welcome back.
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This is the Uncommon Leader Podcast and I'm your host, john Gallagher.
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Today I'm joined by the amazing Ella Parler.
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Ella is an author, entrepreneur and a strategic marketing expert.
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In this episode, ella shares her insights on scaling business, maintaining balance and overcoming challenges.
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She discusses the importance of delegation, the conflict between financial gain and personal legacy, and her own personal self-philosophy for holistic well-being.
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You're not going to want to miss that.
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Plus hear Ella's hilarious childhood story and insights from her book High Tolerance.
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Let's get started.
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Hello Parler, welcome to the Uncommon Leader Podcast.
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It's so great to have you on the show today.
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How are you doing?
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I'm doing really well, John.
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How are you today?
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I am very good, thank you, and I'm looking forward.
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Well, john, how are you today?
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I am very good, thank you, and I'm looking forward to our conversation.
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I knew I should have had the record button on when we got started.
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We've already talked about many things that are going to be talked about again, but I'm truly excited about our conversation today.
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But, having said that, first we're going to talk about your book, but I'm going to ask you the first question I always ask my first-time guests, and that's to tell me a story from your childhood that still impacts who you are today as a person or as a leader.
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I love this story and I love this question.
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I actually told this story in my book, so I'm excited to echo it and maybe elaborate on some of the business lessons learned.
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Some of the business lessons learned.
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But when I was five years old, in kindergarten, I started selling dresses invisible dresses in exchange for money and snacks, and something happened, unfolded.
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Two girls wanted the same color and I wouldn't allow it.
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I was like no, she already had purple, you can't have the purple invisible dress.
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And that turned into a fight which turned into teachers and parent teacher conference where it was explained to me that what I was doing was stealing, because I wasn't selling anything.
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I was just taking from people and not giving.
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And I think what that lesson taught me?
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Because I felt so humiliated.
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I was going to a Catholic school and here I'm being told that I was a thief when I was creating something that someone else just some people saw the value of it and wanted to give me money or snacks.
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But somebody else came in and said no, this isn't real and so it's not.
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It's not ethical, and I think some of the takeaway lessons from that because I was filled with deep guilt and shame and embarrassment afterwards is that I think, first and foremost, understanding that when you are a creative visionary, there are just going to be some people who don't understand what you're trying to create.
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And I think the second part of that would be that when you're seeking out to innovate in any industry or you're looking to disrupt an industry, you need to know the rules, because you don't want to break the wrong rules.
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And if you are going to break the rules, make sure you have a deep knowledge.
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Coming from the wine and spirit sector, the alcohol beverage industry, compliance is crucial.
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Everybody wants a new tequila brand, but if you don't know the deep compliance that goes into that which is what inspired my book you're going to have some.
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You're going to come up against some really difficult rule breaking and that involves, like the federal and state government.
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So those aren't really the rules you want to break.
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No, no, no, exactly.
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And I think the third lesson which I've definitely taken with me when building marketing campaigns is that maybe not everyone will understand your product, but what you're really selling beyond the product, is an emotional connection and a feeling.
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What I think that the teachers and administration didn't understand about these invisible dresses was that I was creating a particular feeling of uniqueness, coolness, fitting in whatever exclusivity right.
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I refuse to design a purple invisible dress for one girl because I had already done a purple for another.
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When you are selling a product, you're selling a lot more than that.
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If you want that brand loyalty and repeat buy, you're going to need to sell the feeling, the problem solving that comes with that product.
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I find this story so fascinating.
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I smile.
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I went to Catholic school as well.
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I can't imagine what the nuns would have done Sister Baptista in first grade if we'd have tried to sell the invisible dress and I love the creativity inside of that space and trading it for service.
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I mean, that is some of the things that are so cool, especially, frankly, in today's influencer world that we live in.
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But I smile.
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I can't imagine.
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Tell me how the parents and teachers responded actually, just tell me, especially the parents.
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It was a big problem.
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I mean especially the parents.
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It was a big problem.
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I mean it was a problem.
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It was truly.
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I was called a thief and that wasn't the heart positioning of mine at all.
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I really felt like I would design these dresses in my head and I'm like, oh, this has tulle over here and I really got it from Cinderella.
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So, watching the fairy godmother spin Cinderella around with her wand and create this dress, I was like, well, I can do that too.
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And then more and more girls wanted it.
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And so, of course, as a child and bartering, I'm like, well, what are you going to give me?
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I'm sitting here spending my recess designing these dresses for you fool, my recess designing these dresses for you fool.
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So, yeah, I mean, there was backlash.
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It was seen as unethical.
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My parents were disappointed about the drama.
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If you will, I was in kindergarten, so this is really the first impression of the Parler family at this school, and it wasn't, I don't know that all the parents really got over it in terms of how I was viewed as a, as a fellow student.
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I think that there was a true belief that there was a sinister intention behind it that I was trying to take from the other students.
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And so, you know, I for a long time, by by the way, felt extremely ashamed of this story.
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Um, it wasn't until I was writing my book and trying to think what was my first business, what was the first thing I ever sold.
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And then I kept going backwards, and backwards, and backwards until I landed at this story in the deep archives of my memory and I, as I reflected on it, I'm like I wasn't a thief, I was a visionary.
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You guys just didn't get it.
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I was selling something, even if you couldn't see it.
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I was trading something.
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I wasn't just saying give me your stuff.
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I appreciate it.
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I can imagine how that would stick with you for a long time afterward.
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Being able to turn in something you've overcome though in the space that you're in is pretty cool.
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We are here, though, to talk about your book high tolerance the intoxicating world of alcohol marketing.
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Uh, fantastic title.
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Uh, great cover in terms of uh, the marketing.
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To bring that in place as well.
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Who did you write this book for and why did you write it?
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Oh gosh, I.
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I wrote this book for anybody who wants to understand the alcohol industry more.
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And that can be from a consumer standpoint, where you just want to understand the business of alcohol and how it impacts your daily life or your relationship with alcohol.
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But on the other side, as a professional in this industry, writing it for anybody who wants to start a brand, who wants to get into the industry a bartender who wants to start a brand, who wants to get into the industry, a bartender who wants to be a brand manager this book will give you a lot of the business strategies behind such a complicated, convoluted system, which is outlined in the American Constitution.
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What a lot of people don't realize, as I touched upon earlier with the compliance piece, is that the rules that are established go far beyond our lifetime.
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These are rules that have been established through amendments in our US Constitution client space.
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You are going to not only amputate your efforts, you will put yourself in a financial bind by breaking rules that have really big fines.
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So I wanted to be able to say hey, can't afford a consultation with me.
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You probably don't have a marketing budget here for what we could do together.
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Just read this book and understand in a digestible way what getting into this industry really looks like.
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Fantastic and again, I can imagine some of the organizations that you come across, regardless of even the, let's say, the rules or the guidelines or all those things that are in place that are prevented.
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There's other mindset issues, marketing challenges that these organizations face just to get over the hump and, as you coach them and consult with them in that space, what are some of the other big barriers then to really a successful brand or marketing implementation, whether it's in the alcohol industry or outside, even some of those that you coach outside of that industry?
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Yes, this is something that I'm learning more and more as I go deeper into my own business, and it's getting out of your own way and understanding what your limitations are.
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If, whatever you have built, you want to scale, a lot of times that part of that scalability is going to come taking a backseat and understanding it's time to hire someone else.
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And when looking to hire someone else and I didn't make this metric, it's actually from a great book I read which is called how, not who, and it's the idea of hiring someone else You're not looking for your twin.
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If you had a twin, they would have already created your product, your brand, your business, your service, whatever you're doing, there's only one you, and so when you're hiring someone, you can't hold them to the standard that they need to be as good as you at your, we'll say, social media, brand voice or whatever some of your strengths are it's understanding about 75%.
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If they can get to your 75% capacity, they are worth hiring so you can have more space to ideate, grow your business, look at the bigger picture and not get in the weeds with the daily tasks that truly should be outsourced at a certain point, but working with CEOs, especially when we're jumping from that $1 to $5 million to $10 million business and really trying to grow past a $10 million business.
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That's when it becomes extremely clear that there are certain leadership discussions that need to be had with true professionals who have been executives.
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You built something great.
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You have a great job.
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Now it's time to hire talent that's going to take your business to the next level.
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If that's what you want to do, if you're trying to build a legacy which is what I think a lot of business owners again my own struggle right now that I'm dealing with myself we lie to ourselves about why we built our business.
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We say we want scalability.
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We say we want to sell our business.
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We say that we're hoping to have a great cash buyout, an IPO, all these lofty goals.
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But then we want to hold on tightly to our ideas because we're really holding on to the legacy that we're hoping that our last name or our family name will have.
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Well, you have to pick one or the other.
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If you want to build a legacy that's going to be a long-term goal, and then you have to understand that you're not going to scale at the rate that you're hoping.
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You're not going to sell at the rate that you're hoping.
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So really getting honest with ourselves is within the five years.
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Do I want to build a legacy or do I want to sell?
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Scale sell they're kind of one and the same, because one begats the other.
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And so understanding.
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This is what I'm hoping to create, and a lot of times as owners, when I'm working with CEOs, they're not as sure.
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There's the duality within them where they're like I don't, I don't know, I want my name to be a part of this.
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So I think that that's something that understanding as you grow the business, because otherwise that lack of discernment is going to permeate into other verticals of your business.
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I love that.
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I think about that, there's no doubt.
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Again, I'll use the space as an entrepreneur to start, usually starting just before seven figures inside of a business and trying to teach them to get to that eight-figure side, that 10 million and beyond.
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They're generally not going to be able to do that on their own and one of the things that I run into the most in terms of what you're talking about how, not who, is the other side is they don't want to let go and they don't.
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You know, that's even that 75% person.
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Uh, knowing they can do something that that entrepreneur should not even be doing on their schedule, whether it's checking emails or scheduling travel or you know whatever you know, buying office supplies, whatever that is that they continue to do that because they're the best and it's easier for them to do it than to train somebody else.
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Huge obstacles to helping entrepreneurs overcome that.
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So that's the question how do you and your world, how do you help them overcome that?
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Well, it's one of the biggest, I guess, surprises that I've learned in working with these brand owners is it goes back to values, right, the root of what were the values and principles and missions that you put forth when you built this business, because, a lot of the time, your answers that you're seeking are going to be in those mission and values.
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Now, what will happen sometimes is those mission and values were not written down, they were not communicated, they were not vetted, they were not really an accountability tool, and so, then, it's time to revise, revisit and reiterate what are your mission and values in why you built this business.
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As I said earlier, you don't have to have a product that's going to save lives, but you need to be serving a purpose, a greater purpose.
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Not just selling something to make money, because I don't believe that will ever be a sustainable business model, but creating a service or product that is going to serve the people that need it.
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Serve a greater purpose, and so let's narrow our focus on what that purpose is, because that will be what guides us when things get difficult.
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When you think about some of the things that go on there, especially again in that early burnout I would imagine is something that happens pretty quickly and keeps folks from getting even if they do have the vision, mission and values kind of documented inside of an organization.
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They're working so hard at it as an individual that they become burnout and they lose the passion for it when you're working with them and coaching them.
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You have talked about your CEPH philosophy to empower leaders.
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Tell me a little bit about that and how you also help them to be more holistic or well-rounded in their approach as well.
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Yes, the CEPEP philosophy, which stands for spiritual, emotional, financial and physical, so S-E-F-P-H SEP philosophy was born out of my own necessity.
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I was noticing a significance imbalance where I was sacrificing some of my emotional health time with my family, time with my loved ones on the pursuit of my financial health right Working, traveling, going into meetings, working on the weekends and nights and so I created this self-philosophy for me to do an inventory on a daily basis to make sure that I am not neglecting one for the other.
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There needs to be a pursuit of balance.
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I don't believe balance is possible.
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We're always going to be a little out of balance, but at least being aware of it is a way that we can again maybe correct the wheel a bit.
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And so I was originally trying to find a way to make sure that I was really focused on my emotional health while working on my spiritual, financial and physical health as well.
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Where the philosophy became externally facing, meaning that I actually shared it with other individuals, was because I had a myriad of health issues ended up in the hospital, and that's when I started writing my book and I decided okay, I think there needs to be a little bit more honesty about what's happening to us as business leaders, because I know plenty of people who have extreme financial success and are spiritually and emotionally bankrupt or their physical shape is just completely out of whack because they've neglected sleep, proper diet and so forth, and I firsthand understand how easy it is to create that imbalance.
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But when I find myself in a hospital staring at my feet and I'm grateful that I have the greatest care in the world I had the best doctors.
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This amazing doctor flew out from Israel to come take care of me.
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I had several surgeries but and I had a five-star meals and I was in an amazing luxury suite where celebrities go after their post-op surgery I mean, I had just about the best care that money could buy.
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And how much did it matter?
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As I'm in tremendous physical pain, as I'm alone in a hospital room, realizing I haven't created the relationships that I want in my life, and kind of going all right, I think I got really lucky.
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I think I got a preview of what the end of the road looks like.
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And what can I do to make sure that more of us feel fulfilled when we get to that end of the road, because whether we like it or not, we're all going to end up there.
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So here's what it sounds like to me.
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Ultimately, is that some of the things that you're now teaching on, it's your experience that you've lived through that helps you to teach that Rory Vaden would say you're most powerfully positioned to help the person that you used to be.
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So it's the wisdom that you have and the knowledge that's there.
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So, realizing that balance isn't attainable, I would agree with you 100% in that.
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I mean, I think there are seasons that we go through that we need to be in different places, and balance would indicate that we have to spend the same amount of time in each space.
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It's just not possible.
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But what are some of the hacks, what are some of the disciplines that you have that keep you pursuing balance, whether it's in the physical side now your spiritual side, emotional, what is it?
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Or financial?
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So I would say two new habits and new within the last few years that have helped me is morning, daily affirmations.
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So Bible prayer has always, has been a part of my routine just about all of my life, but normally at nighttime, so helping me rest and all of that.
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But then I wake up, start the day, and I'm already chaotic by the time I wake up, after a myriad of dreams or whatever sleepless night that might have preceded it.
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So, waking up and doing daily affirmations, not just turning to the Bible, which is, of course, an incredible source of strength for me and wisdom, but really affirming as I start my day me and wisdom, but really affirming as I start my day who am I right?
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Who am I?
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How am I showing up in the world, what are my goals, what am I doing?
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And so it sets that mission, that tone for the day of how I want to show up in the world, and that has been a really great way to mitigate some of the disorderly conversations or circumstances that might happen throughout the day.
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So if you have a disagreement at work that can be uncomfortable, you have that mantra in the back of your head of oh no, no, this is my affirmation.
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I know who I am, no matter what happens on the other side of this conversation.
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The second piece is starting to normalize walking conversation.
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So, background noises, wind In my case, I have a creek by my house.
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So normalizing hey, I'm going to take this call, but I'm going to take a walk as well.
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So if it's really important, take notes, email me after the fact, whatever it is.
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But I cannot insist that every single call be sitting down in front of a desk.
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I need to normalize the idea that I'm going to.
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Hey, yeah, totally can take a call, but I'm going to take a walk at the same time.
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This has not been always easy.
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Um, it means that it's harder for me to take notes, it's harder for me to be able to follow up on certain topics, so I have to remind someone else to do it.
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And then also that you deal with the background noise.
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But I'm hoping that it sends the message we must prioritize getting up from our desks, because we sit all day at work, all day in traffic, all day on the train.
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Getting up and getting our bodies moving so we can have a longer, lasting life, work harder, work longer and just a more sustainable lifestyle.
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Hey listeners, I want to take a quick moment to share something special with you.
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Many of the topics and discussions we have on this podcast are areas where I provide coaching and consulting services for individuals and organizations.
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Okay, let's get back to the show.
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All those things are so similar to what I've tried.
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Stacking that habit for me was that walking, that exercise with either affirmation or listening to a podcast or to your point there, having a conversation, and this fear of I'm going to miss something when I'm walking around because I don't have my journal with me, I don't have my notepad, I don't have all those things and I can't stop and take notes in the middle of a walk when I'm outside.
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But it's important that I get vitamin D, you know, sort of stack those habits and understand what is most important at the time.
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I can certainly understand that.
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So being an author now, was there a specific, maybe author or book that impacted you on your journey, that maybe impacted your writing style, or just something that you go to today as well From a leadership perspective.
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A book that completely changed how I approach leadership was a book by Jill Geisler which was called what Effective Leaders Know Really incredible book and it aged really well.
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I recommended that book to several leaders.
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When I became a quote boss for the first time a people leader manager it wasn't because someone looked at me and thought, oh, she's going to motivate our team.
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It was, oh, she's the top rep and the manager left, so we'll just promote the top person next.
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There wasn't a lot of strategy and I think that that's how a lot of people end up in people leadership positions.
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That does not mean that you're equipped.
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Getting to the people management side goes far beyond knowing how to do their job, and I think that's one of the biggest mistakes that we make in leadership.
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Development is not developing those EQ leadership skills that help you create and cultivate an environment that allows your team to be the most effective.
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So I think that that book is incredible.
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It stands the test of time.
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I enjoy revisiting it and it just goes to the basics of like it.
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And it just goes to the basics of like be kind to your people.
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As rudimentary as that might sound, I would say a book that probably influenced my decision to write the book was.
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It's a myriad of books, but one of them in particular was by Holly Whitaker and it's called Quit Like a Woman, and in the book she's talking about her journey with alcohol and it's from the context of addiction and completely going sober.
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But there's an entire chapter dedicated to alcohol professionals, such as myself, and marketers, and the way that we were betrayed is as evil or as wanting harm on American society, and I just didn't think it was a fair perspective.
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I love the work I do.
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I've been able to hire hundreds of people.
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People have been able to buy houses, provide for their family because of the leadership development that I've been able to do.
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I work with small American businesses.
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I'm extremely proud of the work that I do in the alcohol industry and I rebuke the idea that I can't be a good human or even a Christian woman because of this, because of my position in this industry, and so that's when I kind of felt inspired like wait, there's more to the story than just oh, those people over there are evil.
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Can we create a new narrative?
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And so I appreciate her and the beautiful book that she wrote, I think for any woman who's struggling for addiction, that book could be a tremendous tool for them.
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But I also wanted to be able to not alienate the people who don't ascribe to that exact belief and create a broader discussion that maybe brings more of us to the table to say, okay, what is this industry, how is it impacting our daily lives, and does some of the responsibility fall on us as individuals?
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So we're not pointing the finger at everybody else and really taking ownership and accountability for our own relationships with alcohol.
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I appreciate you sharing that in relation.
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You had said that even before we hit the record button that it wasn't necessarily a book about that, but that was nestled in your story with regards to how that industry can be seen as evil or however you want to look at it in terms of what is there.
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So we'll go back to the book a little bit, but let's stay on the marketing side of it.
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What are some of the strategic marketing tactics that you're kind of talking about inside that book, though, that you've experienced, you've taught that make organizations successful.
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Yes, I really love the.
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So strategic planning is just so important.
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A lot of times and I talk about this because this is ironically, one of the top requests I get from brands when working with a brand there's something about a freeway billboard right those out-of-home billboards that makes a business owner feel like I made it.
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This is look at me, mom, I'm on the billboard and I will admit, the first time I made my freeway billboard and it was in like a big campaign, so it was a bunch of work.
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So by the time it went up I was just so over it.
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But I did have this twinge of wow, I made this and it's up on a freeway Like it does feel good.
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But what happens a lot of times in marketing is that we're so focused on what feels good.
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We're not looking at the data to see what's actually going to move the needle and drive sales.
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And while a freeway billboard feels good, there really isn't a point of having such a deep investment in that type of marketing tool if you don't have other below the line items that are giving touch points, consumer touch points, brand awareness.
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Really, a freeway billboard is not where you should be building your brand awareness.
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It's where you should be building your brand, loyalists who are already aware of your brand, and this is something that I have to scale back.
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So, when I talk about above the line programming or advertising, that's going to be anything you can't touch when you're at the site of purchase.
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So a billboard, a commercial on TV, a bus, you know, a magazine ad, all those out of home radio ads I want to focus more and I talk about this in my book at where is your consumer at the point of purchase?
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Are they at home?
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Are they on their phone?
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Are they in a grocery store?
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Where are they?
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This is where we need to be targeting our marketing.
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First, that's going to be from pricing strategies, that's going to be, yes, of course, graphic, creative advertisements as well, but let's look at the channel of which your consumer is purchasing your product or service, so we make sure we're targeting them there instead of doing things like TV commercials and freeway billboards that make us feel good.
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What are the metrics that you deem as successful, and maybe the leaders?