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If I don't have time to myself to read pray, journal, meditate, whatever it is that you feel like will fill your cup.
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Having that time first thing in the morning sets the precedence for the entire day, so that time is incredibly, incredibly sacred, because that just helps with my whole mindset.
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Hey Uncommon Leaders, welcome back.
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This is the Uncommon Leader Podcast and I'm your host, john Gallagher.
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Well, you may not believe it, but we've reached a milestone this is episode 150 of the Uncommon Leader Podcast.
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So, whether it's your first time listening or your 150th time, a huge thank you to each of you for joining me on this journey.
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Today, for this special episode, I have an equally special guest.
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I'm thrilled to welcome the incredible Marlena Stell.
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Not only is she a successful entrepreneur and social media influencer with millions of followers, but she's also an inspiring example of overcoming adversity and turning passion into purpose, and I'm also grateful to call her friend.
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Marlena shares her journey of overcoming childhood struggles, building confidence and creating a thriving business.
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We'll hear about the power of family support, the importance of following your gut and how she's using her platform to make a difference through her venture in House of Marseille.
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Get ready for a dose of inspiration, actionable advice and a conversation that will leave you feeling empowered.
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Let's get started.
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Hey, marlena Stone, welcome to the Uncommon Leader Podcast.
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Great to have you on the show.
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How are you doing today?
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I'm happy to be here Doing great.
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Thank you so much.
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John for having me.
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I've been waiting for this conversation for a long time Full disclosure to the listeners.
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Marlena and I've been working together for about a year and a half now, and I've had a chance to learn more about her and as we've worked to work with her on the business side and on the coaching side, but I know that her story is one that is inspiring and encouraging and one that the listeners of the Uncommon Leader podcast need to hear, and I'm excited to go through that story with you a little bit today, marlena.
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So as we get started, though, I always start all my first time guests with the same first question, that's, to ask you to tell a story from your childhood that still impacts who you are today as a person or as a business leader.
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Oh, a story from childhood I think.
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Well, it'll start off negative but it'll turn into a positive.
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So I struggled with weight since I was a small child and I was made a fun of a lot on the playground and so it was just kind of a regular occurrence.
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For a long time I've struggled with hearing things from the playground, but I would always come home.
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My parents were so supportive, especially my dad, and having, I guess, as a daughter, having a father figure that was very supportive and always telling me you know, you're so beautiful, you're so smart, just giving me a lot of positive affirmations, and I knew it was very genuine.
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It wasn't like, ok, my dad's just saying this because you know I'm his daughter, he loves me, but he would constantly give me that reassurance.
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And so when I reflect back on my childhood, most people say, oh, it was a hard childhood because I was made fun of all the time.
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But for me, I had such a blessed and amazing childhood because I had a strong, positive home environment, and I think that's just.
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If you have that at least one person in your life as a child that gives you so much positive support, you can overcome just about anything.
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So, no, I hear that and I listen through, because as a child I probably went through similar things.
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But you know, even as you've grown and look, folks know you already know this, but those that are just getting a chance to meet you.
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You've got millions of followers on social media.
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It's an opportunity for you to sit in front of your listeners on a regular basis, and many times folks see that and they think these people must have phenomenal confidence.
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That's not always been the case for you.
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That's something that you've had to work through all along, and so for you, as you've moved into adulthood, from childhood and that confidence level, what are some of the things that have allowed you the opportunity to do what you do today?
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I think.
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I mean it's been a really long growing process for me to feel that I'm capable and strong enough and confident in so many areas, especially as I started business.
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When I started business I had no experience at all, so I think for a while I had to almost hate to use this phrase but fake it till you make it.
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I was a teacher and going from teacher to being a business owner and doing product development and cosmetics were very different career paths.
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So in the beginning I was like you know, I'm just, I think, cause I'm very stubborn, and so the stubbornness me and was like I'm just going to do it, like you know, I'm just going to get in there and I'm stubborn and you know.
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But I think that played to my benefits.
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Um, cause I had to fake it till I make it in the beginning and over time it just I began to garner the skills I needed.
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It's almost you learn as you go is the best training possible.
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When you think about what you went through.
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What were some of those symptoms of the lack of confidence that you had?
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What were you experiencing as you grew through that?
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I think it was a constant self-doubt, because I was bringing with me, I guess, my own baggage of having low self-esteem on the outside because I kept struggling with weight, and it just became a constant public scrutiny.
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I hate to use this phrase as well, but this is what wraps it up very succinctly is my box that society put me in for so many years was I was a fat girl with a pretty face and that was kind of my mindset of what I thought is like you know, I struggle with weight, but I've, you know I can do makeup beautifully and things like that.
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But over time I had to learn how to be confident, and that's I didn't learn that until, honestly, until I got close to my 40s, because up until that point I thought well, you're just born with it, or women who are just born naturally beautiful, of course they're going to be confident.
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And what I realized is even the women that you would think were ideal on the outside, they still even struggled with confidence.
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So then it kind of clicked for me.
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I was like, wait a minute, it's not.
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It's not doesn't correlate with, you know, society standards of looks.
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It's a skill that you have to learn, and so I sense that one of those things you talked about in one of your, one of your recent videos, and that we've talked about before, is that confidence can be learned.
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It is a skill that is learned, so that means if we can learn it, then we also probably can unlearn it.
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What are some of the habits, maybe, that you've developed to help you to improve your confidence as you continue to be in front of the camera and grow your business, your confidence?
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as you continue to be in front of the camera and grow your business.
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One of the key things helped me so much is in the mornings or any time of day, having a gratitude journal, and I know a lot of people think, well, that's very like, okay, let's do a gratitude journal.
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But when I stopped to write down, there's something about tactile writing it and visually seeing it, of saying positive things in your life that you're grateful for.
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And then also I make sure to include positive things that I like about myself.
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You know I feel like I have nice eyes, I feel like I'm very compassionate, I have a big heart.
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So me even writing those things and focusing on the things I love about myself builds the confidence.
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So I focus less on the things that maybe I think that I struggle with.
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I think, as I, as I listened to that I'm focusing on things that we like about ourselves.
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It is so easy in today's world to focus on the things that we don't like about ourselves and we step in front of a camera or we're even in front of the mirror when we're talking to ourselves.
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That mindset of negative and what we don't like is so important.
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So I can understand how, ultimately, focusing on the things that you like about yourself can be very important.
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So I hear you touch on that, your eyes, compassionate and certainly the way that you are.
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I even was reminded in one of your videos about an experience that you had teaching other models, and so you teaching has been something.
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What has been there as you've grown inside of teaching and how has that formed who you are, in your business as well?
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Oh my gosh.
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So I love to teach.
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Since I was a child, I would line up my teddy bears and teach.
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It makes me light up and it's a skill set that I've had since I was young.
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I always, since I was a child, I loved to teach and so as I've gotten older, I've really honed in on that and that's what I built my social media following on.
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And, ironically, I built my makeup brand on was called Makeup Geek, because I would teach people how to apply makeup.
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So that's how that name kind of came about.
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But the more I did that skill set, I felt more internally confident because I'm actively every single day.
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I'm doing something that I know I'm good at, and when I, when I feel like I can do something really good, it translates to my overall confidence, not just on the inside, but how I feel.
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Like I look on the outside, it's like well, of course I'm not.
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You know, I feel like I'm pretty, I get on camera and I'm teaching people.
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I'm teaching people how to do makeup.
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So it gives me that overall confidence.
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I think, teaching we've heard it before.
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We are most powerfully positioned to help the person that we used to be.
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So I would imagine, especially as much as you are in front of the camera, you're talking to that little girl who grew up with it as well.
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You're talking to that young entrepreneur, woman in business, who's trying to grow as well.
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So if you had tips for them, even to help them improve their confidence women in business and going forward what would you say that you've experienced and how you've overcome some of those things that you run into?
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I think women in business specifically have another layer of confidence they have to build because they're putting themselves in a very vulnerable the ground that you're trying to break and there's always a little bit of uncertainty like what am I doing and how do I navigate the business?
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So I think again, like finding something that you're really good at, like each person's strengths different someone is great at marketing, someone's great at building a business plan, whatever it is in your business that you do really well, do it every single day and make that the focus of what you're doing, and that builds confidence.
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But also to never second guess your gut.
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My biggest failures and my biggest successes in business have always centered around the times when I listened to my gut and I had that inner strength and confidence to know I was making the right decision.
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Or when I ignored it and I didn't listen to my gut and I listened to someone else or did something that didn't feel right was the cause to my biggest failure.
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So I'd always say that following your gut, ironically, is going to give you more confidence, because each decision you make that you see goes well based on your gut.
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You're like, oh, I did make the right decision the next time you do it.
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It just kind of spirals from there in an upward fashion of building more confidence.
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Love that, one of the things that you and I have talked about.
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In our working.
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We have kind of a way to evaluate options that are out there and use a very mechanical approach on how it affects the business and how it affects your customers and how it affects you inside the business.
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But ultimately that decision comes down as like what is my internal gut reaction telling me?
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And usually if it doesn't feel really good, it's either a sign of indigestion or that the decision is not really ready to be made and it's probably, on that, not really ready to be made.
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So we need to kind of dig deeper inside of that.
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Now I sense I don't have this problem millions of followers on social media and other spaces and that if you have millions of followers, they're probably not all raving fans.
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You probably have a couple, at least one or two critics out there that have a way of trying to tear you down as well.
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That's just how society feels, and so what are the ways that you're able to tune that out or manage that?
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Maybe you can't tune it out completely, but manage some of the things that they say as well.
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Oh, my goodness.
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Yes, this has been a very, very interesting journey in my 16 years of being in the public eye is there's always going to be critics that have something to say.
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You could be the most amazing, perfect on the planet, and someone will find something that they don't like.
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And this was my hardest lesson as well, because I didn't start to learn confidence in this aspect until probably the last few years or so.
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But in the beginning of my time on YouTube, I would hear all sorts of comments and would start to affect me.
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But I think over time, just hearing it, you almost become numb to it and you start to tune it out and realize like okay, it's not me that they're having an issue about.
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It's they're projecting their own insecurities or own trials that they're going through, excuse me, in their own lives.
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And once I learned that it wasn't all about me, it's about them projecting it almost made me not be angry or upset anymore.
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I look at people with compassion and say in my mind like they must be going through something really difficult right now to be lashing out or saying such hurtful comments, because someone who's happy, in a good place in their life, just isn't going to do that.
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So once I switched that mindset of from anger to compassion, it changed the whole game.
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I love that and I know it's not easy to do.
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I think we have those critics and hopefully they're not in our inner circle as to how we need coaches, we need those who will give us feedback, but those critics are always going to be there.
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They're going to be trying to tear you down, and it may be people that were once positive in your life as well that jump in when they see you starting to have a little bit of success.
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They may try to, in essence, bring you back into their space.
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So it's very important to understand what they're trying to do, and I love that.
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It's.
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Hurting people will hurt people, uh, in terms of what you're talking about there, and if we're aware of that and we can have compassion for them as well in that situation, that can certainly help us to get through that as well and hopefully have an impact on them.
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You also have mentioned that something that's very important for you is, you know, making yourself a top priority and building your confidence.
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What are some of the ways that you make yourself a top priority as you grow, as you continue to strive for more?
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I think carving out an hour each day, getting up before everyone else, is a key to how my day is going to lay out.
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If I don't have time to myself to read, pray, journal, meditate, whatever it is that you feel like will fill your cup.
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Having that time first thing in the morning sets the precedence for the entire day.
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So that time is incredibly, incredibly sacred, because that just helps with my whole mindset and that also builds confidence too.
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If I have that time for me, then I can be there for others and then just making sure every week that I do something just for myself, even if it's just driving to the coffee shop and getting a coffee while listening to my favorite 90s music or whatever.
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It is something that's just simple and small.
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It doesn't have to be complicated or expensive, but something that just makes you happy.
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But taking time like being very mindful of every single day.
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You have to have some time just for you and then some sort of event or something you do every week once a week.
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That's another bonus of like this is my time.
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Hey listeners, I want to take a quick moment to share something special with you.
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Many of the topics and discussions we have on this podcast are areas where I provide coaching and consulting services for individuals and organizations.
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If you've been inspired by our conversation and are seeking a catalyst for change in your own life or within your team, I invite you to visit coachjohngallaghercom forward slash free call to sign up for a free coaching call with me.
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It's an opportunity for us to connect, discuss your unique challenges and explore how coaching or consulting can benefit you and your team.
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Okay, let's get back to the show.
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I love that you mentioned your time as well.
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First of all, I know you're a big Starbucks fan and I've been in Houston before when you've been there and you like your Starbucks early in the morning for your time.
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But you're also a newer mom.
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You have a young toddler, audie, who you are raising now, and that changes things as well as a leader, as a business person as well.
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How has she helped to shape your leadership and your style?
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Oh my gosh, she is my little mini me, my spitfire, she's my everything.
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But it changed.
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I was in business for a long time before I had my daughter, so I had this very hustle mode.
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I was hustle, hustle, hustle with even with makeup geek to the point where it destroyed my health because I was overworking myself.
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And I still if I'm being very blunt and honest, I still really struggle with that now, where I will overwork myself, get sick.
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It's this whole cycle.
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But with Audie, she has forced me to have a true balance of working and spending time with her.
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Mama.
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Are you done working Mama, let's play.
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Mama, you know she's like Mama.
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Are you in a meeting?
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What are you going to be done?
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Like just her wanting my love and attention.
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It forces me to pull myself away from work, so I'm not working myself to the ground and I'm on a day to day basis.
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I'm constantly have to struggle that balance between mom life and work life.
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But it's always a good thing that I have that balance of the two and so she's, she's brought up that good in me.
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She's a hoot and I like to see when you share on social media about her as well and some of the things that you are growing through as a mom.
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This question is going to sound a little bit selfish on my part, but it isn't really.
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I want folks to know that even as entrepreneurs, we can't do it all on our own.
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You took the step of jumping in with a coach.
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What do you see in the value of a coach or maybe that's not just a coach in business, but it might be a coach in your mental or spiritual world as well.
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What do you see and how that's impacted you and your growth?
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It's been life-changing, john.
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I'm going to try not to get emotional as I talk about it, I'm not going to get sappy, I don't want to ruin my mascara.
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For me it's been life-changing to have someone that you feel, that is in your corner, cheering you on, trying to help you, wish the best for you.
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But in a professional sense, it's always amazing to have someone that has experience like you, who has been through so many things you know light years before me, and just has walked that walk to be able to sit down and say, okay, this is what I see from the outside, because I think we, especially as women, we get so much in our head that we can see things about other people, but when it comes to us, or things that we need to work on, or things that are getting in the way of our progress, it's helpful to have someone on the outside looking in to say this is what I see.
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That I think would help you with your time management or with your you know, being a leader.
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All of those things have helped me so immensely.
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I don't know how I would have gotten this far if it hadn't been for the last year and a half with you.
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So thank you, john.
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And I just I mean again, while I didn't want it to be that selfish, I know that there's times that we as leaders and certainly those who want to be successful we get a little bit of hubris involved in there and we think we can do it all on our own.
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And I think it's just so important I have a coach as well, the coach of the coach, whatever that means that we need others to kind of see, help us to see our blind spots, help us to see, and to your point, the experiences that they have as well.
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That could help and have you avoid some of the pitfalls that might be there into the future.
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So that's pretty cool when I think about it.
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So let's bring it right to the kind of bottom shelf for easier to reach for those listeners.
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You have listeners in here that are wondering you know, I'm suffering from a lack of self-confidence and I want to get better as a leader and I want to grow as well and I want to be in front of a camera even more.
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What would be the tips that you would give the Marlena of just a few years ago who was struggling her way through that, or the person that's listening that might be in the same seat you were as to how to get started today.
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I think the first thing you have to do it always starts with you, and that's sometimes hard for us to realize because we want to say well it's.
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You know, I'm not confident because I wasn't born beautiful or because I had this traumatic event happen to my life.
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We can always.
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It's very easy to try to seek what's going on, but it always starts with us internally.
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So I go back to you have to, first thing is, every single day, make time for yourself, and I know it doesn't sound like a way to build confidence, but I'm telling you, if you just have an hour to yourself every day to do something that fills your cup, you will automatically feel confident because you are making time, you're making yourself a priority.
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And then, second, make sure there's no negative talk.
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And this was a lesson I had to learn too is I'm my own worst critic and we so often put ourselves down.
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And even if we don't verbally say it, we think it in our head.
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And if we think something in our head, it's more likely to happen or be the reality.
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If that's our like, the law of attraction is real.
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If I'm telling myself all the day you know, every single day, oh, I'm ugly because I struggle with weight, then that's how I'm going to be presented to the world.
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That's going to be my reality is that people see me as being that.
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But if I'm telling myself I'm still beautiful even though I struggle with weight, or I'm still intelligent, or I bring all these amazing things to the table, that's going to build confidence too.
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So it always starts with us first, before anything else.
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Quiet time, positive mindset, absolutely.
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And mindset is one of those muscles that we must train on a regular basis.
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From a faith standpoint, I know that thinking on those positive things is very important and you mentioned that critic but that evil one will try to distract us.
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He will try to push us away from what we need to do to be successful in both our business life, but also in our personal lives as well.
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So I've appreciated you sharing.
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I want to give you a little bit of opportunity I'll put some contact info in the show notes but to tell us about your company, marlena, that you're building and the mission that you have and who you serve.
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So the company I'm building is called House of Marseille and I haven't told anyone what it entails yet because everyone's dying to know what is it that I'm going to be working on.
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And I do have a Makeup Geek Academy as well, where I teach people how to build out their businesses and beauty.
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Also, I teach makeup classes because I love to teach, so that's kind of my passion project is Makeup Geek Academy, but my true business that will replace Makeup Geek is called how so Mar Stay.
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But my ultimate goal and I try not to get it, I don't know, I'm crying already for it is to take a good part of the funds, or at least one part of the line, and have it fund domestic abuse shelters.
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Sorry, I didn't mean to cry on the podcast today.
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I guess that's what I meant to do, but it's really important for me to support domestic abuse shelters because that's something that I endured in my lifetime.
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So it's very personal for me to be able to help especially women have a, have the confidence to be able to get out of really bad relationship or bad environment that they're in and feel like that they have hope to build a life that they want for themselves.
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So sorry, I didn't mean to cry.
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No, no, no.
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I appreciate you sharing that, but I wanted folks to know as well, uh, really know as well.
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Really, the mission of your organization is to not only just to grow your business, as you've done, and I just frankly appreciate being a small part of that on the journey that you're looking to create.
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Marlena, how do folks stay in touch with you?
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What's the best place they can go and find you?
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I'm all over social media.
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If you just search my name, marlena Style, that's my YouTube handle, my TikTok, my Instagram, my Facebook, I think that's it.
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I don't do Snapchat anymore, so I'm out there.
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If you just Google my name, you'll find me.
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Go on.
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Finder folks, I'll put the.
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I'll put the links in the show notes.
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But fun, fun to watch and certainly those of you who are looking to be taught how to be more beautiful both inside and out.
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Marlene is there to help out.
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I have so appreciated this and I know the listeners of the podcast are going to find value for so many reasons.
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Marlene, as we go through this, I'll finish with one more question and give you kind of the last word.
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It's always the same last question that I ask, but I'm going to give you a billboard and you can put it anywhere you want to.
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What's the message you're going to put on that billboard and why do you put that message there?
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Maybe that's two questions.
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So my message would be you're never too old to start over and it's never too late to make yourself happy and feel authentically confident.
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I know that's not very succinct.
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I'm not giving this beautiful like quote or anything like that.
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No hashtag or anything.
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No hashtag or anything, but I think at this stage of my life because I'm 44, it's never too late to make a change and live the life that you want.
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That's what I would say.
