The Uncommon Leader Podcast
June 11, 2024

Winning Begins At Home - Insights on Winning Beyond Work with Randy Gravitt

Winning Begins At Home - Insights on Winning Beyond Work with Randy Gravitt

How does one become a leader both in the boardroom and at the dinner table? Join us as we sit down with Randy Gravitt, the visionary author of "Winning Begins at Home," to unpack the profound link between professional triumph and nurturing family relationships. Randy offers candid glimpses into his own upbringing, unveiling the leadership principles learned through the lens of his childhood experiences. From the critical importance of relationship-building skills to the necessity of personal sacrifice, Randy illuminates the path to achieving greatness in every aspect of life.

Feeling overwhelmed by the constant barrage of emails and family obligations? Discover the life-changing impact of scheduling quiet time, a practice that modern leaders, athletes, and high performers swear by to maintain a balanced existence. Together with Randy, we reframe the concept of success to include positive impacts on others and building a legacy of love and community support. Dive deep into values that extend beyond mere personal achievements, emphasizing the true significance of having those closest to you hold you in the highest regard.

Parenting isn't about perfection, but presence. Explore with us the power of being engaged and present with your family, and how small acts, like kind words and prioritizing family over work, can leave a lasting legacy. Randy shares actionable strategies from his "family activation guide," revealing how creating a family blueprint can set the stage for a thriving home environment. This episode is a treasure trove of wisdom and inspiration, encouraging you to build stronger, more impactful relationships both at home and in your career. Don’t miss this guide to cultivating elite family dynamics and professional success.

Connect with Randy: https://leadeveryday.com/
Buy Winning Begins at Home 

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Chapters

00:00 - Leadership Expert Discusses Winning at Home

09:27 - Leadership and Love

19:28 - Parenting and Leadership Lessons

25:35 - Winning Begins at Home

Transcript
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Anybody who's listening can have a better situation outside of work.

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If they will just take some simple steps, their relationships can get better.

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So to me, I thought let's give them some tactics, some things they can practice.

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Go back to the athletes that we've worked with in the past and the coaches they're constantly practicing every day.

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It's what makes them elite, and so why would we be any different?

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Why would we want to have an elite family but we're not willing to put in the work to practice?

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And if we'll practice it actually, it's amazing what happens.

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Hey, uncommon Leaders, welcome back.

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This is the Uncommon Leader Podcast and I'm your host, john Gallagher.

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In this episode, I have an insightful conversation with Randy Gravitt, an author and leadership expert.

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In our discussion today.

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It revolves around Randy's newly released book Winning Begins at Home.

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He shares the transformative power of helping others succeed, both in the workplace and at home, and emphasized that true champions focus on controlling what they can to achieve their best.

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He speaks passionately about the essential balance between professional triumphs and nurturing family relationships, recounting lessons from his own childhood and the influences that led him to write this book.

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This conversation will inspire and equip you to build stronger, more impactful relationships at both home and in your career.

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Let's get started.

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Let's get started, randy Gravitt.

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Welcome to the Uncommon Leader Podcast.

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It's great to have you on the show.

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I'm looking forward to our conversation today.

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How are you doing?

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I'm doing great, John.

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Thanks for having me Pumped up about hanging out with you.

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Thanks for all you do for leaders.

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It's cool.

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It's going to be really cool to talk about your book that's come out now Winning Begins at Home, however, I don't give any of my first-time guests a break.

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I always ask them the first question just to get them started and get them loose, and that's to tell me a story from your childhood that still impacts who you are as a person or a leader today.

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Yeah, that's great, great question, Love looking back, and actually part of the book goes back to my childhood.

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Really, I dedicated the book to my dad.

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And a crazy story.

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I think I was maybe 12 years old.

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I was playing Little League baseball and it was the summer that.

00:02:16.664 --> 00:02:27.062
From where I'm from a little small town, so it may have been invented a little before that, but it's the summer that aluminum baseball bats come to our hometown First one I ever see.

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I get one for Christmas before the season and I was so excited.

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I thought, man, I'm going to, I'm going to be, uh, hitting some home runs this year, cause I wasn't.

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I wasn't much of a home run hitter, I was just a little guy and uh, but I was.

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It was my last year in the league and I was kind of one of the old guys now and so it was my turn to, you know, be be one of the guys.

00:02:44.730 --> 00:02:47.373
And, and my dad, uh, that's the year.

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My dad said, no, we're gonna actually teach you how to bunt.

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And I thought, man, this guy has lost his mind and and and he did, and I and uh, there's there's actually a story in the book about um, about this in the fable or the parable about this guy teaching the kids how to bunt, and it really goes back to my dad and I had no idea at the time, john, but he was actually teaching me that if you're really going to be a leader, you're going to have to learn to sacrifice for others and help them win.

00:03:17.390 --> 00:03:22.580
So, yeah, I go all the way back to 10, 11, 12 years old learning those lessons.

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My dad taught me so much through that him and my mom both.

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It's fun to look back.

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Love that.

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Thanks for sharing that.

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Just over my shoulder there right there is my only home run ball.

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I guess they don't give you when I was 12 years old, back just a few years ago.

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They don't give you those and put numbers on them for the bunting.

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But you're absolutely right, the sacrifice that happens.

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It often doesn't show up in the box score in terms of that win.

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But as a leader, there are a lot of things we do.

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John Maxwell's pretty clear about the law of sacrifice as well, so I appreciate you sharing that story and I think it does tee up really well to really talk about your book Now.

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When I got a chance to read an advanced copy, I was pretty excited about it and you had me in the first paragraph.

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I'd love to read, frankly, the introduction and the conclusions, first acknowledgements, just to see about the author, and one of the things you touched on in the very first page was the challenges that families are under today.

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One of the statistics that you mentioned that's very important to me as I go through my coaching process as well, is that the divorce rate in our country is at about 50%.

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So that sets up a pretty good why.

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But tell me, what was the catalyst behind your book coming out?

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Winning Begins at Home.

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Yeah, so through the years, I have a leadership development company.

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So I, through the years, I have a leadership development company and we work with all kind of companies and organizations and we do training and teaching and executive coaching and work with just lots of high powered leaders, all kind of sectors and industries, which is cool.

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But one of the things that I kept noticing was that there's just this struggle these days with people.

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I mean, they're winning at work.

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A lot of people feel like they're winning at work, but what's happening outside of work is not so good, and so I had somebody tell me, if you win at work and you lose at home, I think you still lose.

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It came through a conversation I was actually with a football coach professional football coach and assistant coach who was a former player and had won a super bowl years ago, and he talked about how, when the, when the game was over, he said I'm standing over, you know the stage is out, the confetti's falling, it's great, but he said it's just this one little area.

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It looks on tv like it's everything, but it's just one little corner of the field and I'm standing there looking, he said, at some of our coaches and they just their families are not where they need to be.

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And he said now I'm a coach.

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And he said I've got two little girls and I'm asking myself can you?

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And he's working for a great team and they've got a chance to win a Super Bowl.

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He said I'm wondering can you win a Super Bowl and and have a great family?

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And he asked me that question and he said he said what do you think?

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And I told him I said well, if you can't, if you can't win a Superbowl and without losing your family, why do you want a Superbowl?

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And we started having this conversation and then, all of a sudden, it just started going.

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Everywhere I would go, people would say, man, I don't feel like I'm winning outside of work, and so everybody's talking about all the leadership.

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People are talking about stuff to help your companies get better.

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I mean, it's what we do, it's how we make our living.

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But it just was a passion of mine how can we help these?

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These uh leaders went outside of work and so I thought you know, I'll, I'll write this, uh, I'll write the story and put the strategy together and and, uh, try to help some people win where it matters most.

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So that's, that's really how it started.

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No, I appreciate that and I really appreciate the format of the book, being the biggest part of the book being a parable.

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So I'm going to put you in with some other great authors that I love to read John Gordon and Andy Andrews and even Patrick Lencioni writing leadership books, really about stories, about parables, and we know the success that Jesus had as well in terms of telling parables to train his disciples.

00:07:04.992 --> 00:07:10.202
So it all goes really well.

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And then the second half of your book, or a little bit less than half, is the.

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You know the tactics and a plan to help put that in place.

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But what, what, um, what drove you to write it in the form of a story rather than the traditional?

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Call it a structure book, if you will.

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Yeah, well, I'm, I'm actually a storyteller and I, uh, and I just connect with stories better.

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I think people's connect with stories.

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Uh, I love the idea that you can, you can put some truth out there that that really people can resonate with.

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John Gordon actually endorsed the book he's a friend and and he went down that road.

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And then Mark Miller, who I work with, mark his first.

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He's written.

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The last three or four books have been what we call big, big people books, but the first, uh, the first eight or 10 that he did were parables as well, and I've written a couple of parables and I just, I just think they connect with people.

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Lencioni's books have been great.

00:07:55.968 --> 00:07:56.721
I've loved those.

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Um, I just love the simple, uh, relatable character with a, with a mentor that can kind of help us see some things maybe that are, you know, unique to us.

00:08:08.928 --> 00:08:10.855
But there's a lot of stuff in there that's just.

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It's just every single person struggling with, you know, and so I don't know, I felt like that's a good way to go about it.

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I'm not against traditional books, but the parables just connect with me.

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So I thought, you know, I heard David McCullough.

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He's a, he's an historian.

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He said one time somebody asked him about his books, he said I always write a book that I would like to read, and so that's that's what I did here.

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I thought I'll just write a book I think it'd be fun to read, so that's what I did.

00:08:41.832 --> 00:08:43.754
Well, I thought it was great and I love the play on words.

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Even the title winning begins at home both in the home, but also the baseball analogy that you use throughout is a lot of fun to read through.

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So I think you did a really nice job and I appreciate that.

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So let's talk about that.

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With regards to the story and what it meant a strategy for winning beyond work so one of the things that you talk about in there is really having to redefine what success is, and I think you touched on this a little bit.

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But what are some of the barriers that you see folks going through that they believe they can or cannot, frankly, win at both work and life?

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Yeah, well, I think the world that we live in now is way more complex than the world I grew up with, you know, with aluminum baseball bats.

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I mean, I think the world that we live in now is way more complex than the world I grew up with, you know, with aluminum baseball bats.

00:09:26.572 --> 00:09:27.354
I mean it's just.

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I mean it has gotten to a point where technology is is just so high speed and I even think about your, your email, if you have email.

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I mean I don't know anybody that doesn't have email in today's world and and our inboxes stay full.

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There's, there's all these emails and we've got details coming at us like never before, and just on and on and on.

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It becomes a lot of noise in today's world.

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I've been reminding leaders lately.

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If you don't believe it, think about this.

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Noise is on your schedule, whether you put it there or not.

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I mean it's just, there's so much noise going on from those emails to you, know, your people, even your family.

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I mean there's just noise all in the system, so to speak, and yet quiet doesn't make it on your calendar unless you, unless you put it there.

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And I think sometimes we just don't have enough space in our lives to really think through what do we want, and at work, and much less at home, and and if we're not careful, we just end up going through the motions, and so I think the challenges are are bigger than they've ever been.

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There's a there's a lot of angst and strife in our culture now that it just feels like it just gets ramped up every every year, maybe every day, I you know, as I think about it.

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So I think a lot of that challenge and people at some point just say you know, I'm just trying to survive and I'm not really sure that's what we're born to do.

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I think that we really are born to have a great life full of joy, and if we're not careful we can just forfeit all that and we get to the end and there's a bunch of regret and that's just not what we want.

00:11:02.674 --> 00:11:09.239
Randy, I love that You've been a leadership coach to my hometown Pittsburgh Pirates as I was growing up as a kid a Pittsburgh Pirate fan.

00:11:09.239 --> 00:11:14.022
They haven't given me a whole lot to cheer about lately, so maybe you can go back and work with them a little bit more.

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You've been a leadership coach for the Buffalo Bills as well and, I'm sure, high performers in your leadership organization, because now you're dealing with basically with individuals who have been told for a long time that they're doing things great and they are successful and you get a chance to chat with them about really what that means.

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How do you?

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how do you get started with them?

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Yeah, well, I think, at the end of the day, we're all people and every single person is just trying to do the best they can for themselves and their family and the people around them, their community.

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They still care about people and still care about stuff.

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And even those organizations that you mentioned some of the other organizations that we've worked with Chick-fil-A and a lot of really great leaders in those organizations care about their community.

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In fact, chick-fil-a is stating right now their vision is to be the most caring company in the world.

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I love that.

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I think it's just great that you start thinking about community impact and all that kind of stuff, and so it can be a ball player is making millions of dollars at the end of the day, if they really get you pull the onion layer back and are under the look.

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Under the hood there's there's typically somebody under there that that really wants to have a great family life, wants to have a great, you know, impact on the field.

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Sure, they like to make a lot of money.

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That's fantastic.

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But if you just make a bunch of money, it goes back really to our definition of winning.

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If you just make a bunch of money and you miss out on the things that matter most, I'm not sure we end up winning, and so I always talk about making sure that we're helping other people win.

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To me is that's what makes you a winner.

00:12:48.636 --> 00:12:50.322
If I lie down at night and I didn't.

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All I did was just take up space.

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I didn't help anybody else.

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I'm not sure I really won.

00:12:54.183 --> 00:13:04.857
So I want to remind those athletes, coaches, anybody that we're, we're working with, that that there's a, there's a different kind of way to think about life and we're not careful.

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We'll just think like everybody else thinks and then we end up missing out on what we really want.

00:13:10.950 --> 00:13:15.868
So I don't know if that answers your question but I think you're pretty close right on.

00:13:15.888 --> 00:13:21.384
I mean, I look at, listen to what you say successful leaders, successful coaches they do win games.

00:13:21.384 --> 00:13:22.187
There's no doubt about it.

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They do succeed in business, but the ones that are great are the ones that have an impact on others and grow other leaders that result in generational impact and things that are going on.

00:13:31.316 --> 00:13:46.626
So I think you're spot on in terms of that story and it does force us to re-evaluate our definition of success, and I believe one of the things you touched on there is you had defined in your book is success as when the people who know you the best love you the most.

00:13:46.847 --> 00:14:01.258
I just found that as profound and simplistic and epic, and I think as leaders, too often we if I own it a little bit myself as well see success as our success in business and it becomes very individual, especially as an entrepreneur.

00:14:01.258 --> 00:14:15.341
But really the greatest story ever told, as I talk about in my coaching program, is when those who know you the best love you the most and those who know you the best write your name on their list of people who have made a positive impact on their life.

00:14:15.341 --> 00:14:18.822
So I think you're right there and I want you to elaborate on something.

00:14:18.822 --> 00:14:22.183
The other thing you said early on in the book is that love is a verb.

00:14:22.183 --> 00:14:27.385
You had two points Love first, live last and you said inside the book that love is a verb.

00:14:32.575 --> 00:14:33.677
So expand on that a little bit for me.

00:14:33.677 --> 00:14:34.339
So that's a great question.

00:14:34.339 --> 00:14:36.104
So as I'm working with these sports teams, let me go back to that.

00:14:36.104 --> 00:14:40.120
They all have fundamentals and really any endeavor in life but football team blocking and tackling.

00:14:40.120 --> 00:14:45.162
If you're a musician, you've got scales and the ability to read music and there's lots of things that we can practice on.

00:14:45.162 --> 00:14:49.172
So I started asking myself what are the things in a family that are the fundamentals?

00:14:49.172 --> 00:14:55.445
And I came up with these two ideas of loving first and living last, and so loving first.

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I think that's a really great place to start.

00:14:58.157 --> 00:15:05.581
It's just the deal If I will give people the benefit of the doubt and I will really begin to be present when I'm present, some of these kind of things.

00:15:05.601 --> 00:15:09.489
So I started asking myself this question is love just a noun?

00:15:09.489 --> 00:15:11.142
I mean we think it is a noun.

00:15:11.142 --> 00:15:15.886
I mean we describe love, but love, at the end of the day, is something you do.

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It's about sacrifice and you demonstrate love and you can't demonstrate love unless you love.

00:15:22.294 --> 00:15:24.038
So that mindset.

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To me it really shaped the way I thought about raising our own family, my wife and I.

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We have four daughters and they're grown up now and have kids of their own.

00:15:33.947 --> 00:15:40.436
But as I've watched them grow up, I always ask myself what's it like to be on the other side of the table?

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And this language I use is let's give them the home field advantage.

00:15:43.683 --> 00:15:52.445
I find a lot of times we want to get the last word, we want to make our point and I'm just not sure that's a really good formula for home.

00:15:52.445 --> 00:15:55.445
It's really good if we go back again to what we say.

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How do we help the other person win?

00:15:57.702 --> 00:15:58.216
It's almost.

00:15:58.977 --> 00:16:01.886
I've got a friend who says it's like an offensive lineman mindset.

00:16:01.886 --> 00:16:09.028
You know we're not even in the football season right now, but everything is about the NFL and everybody's talking about.

00:16:09.028 --> 00:16:19.235
But if you listen to it on on any you watch anything, you'll hear about quarterbacks and coaches and receivers and people who score, or or you know the coaches who are making the decisions.

00:16:19.235 --> 00:16:31.256
You don't hear very much about offensive linemen and I think that is a beautiful picture of somebody who wakes up in the morning and they show up at these facilities and they get all taped up and padded up and they go out on the field and they open up holes so other people can score.

00:16:32.219 --> 00:16:34.624
And if you're a mom or a dad and you're listening.

00:16:34.624 --> 00:16:42.616
You're probably not going to be thanked for keeping your kids alive another week or making sure they're fed and spending time with them those kinds of things.

00:16:42.616 --> 00:16:45.482
They just won't really appreciate that like they should.

00:16:45.482 --> 00:16:53.663
But let me say that every time you show up and you help somebody else, you demonstrate love, and this can happen in the workplace as well.

00:16:53.663 --> 00:17:01.186
It doesn't have to be just a home deal, but I love this mindset to live your life to help other people win, to open up a way so somebody else can score.

00:17:16.663 --> 00:17:18.424
When you do that to me that makes you a winner.

00:17:18.424 --> 00:17:33.977
So that would be my little spin there on love being a verb inspired by our conversation and are seeking a catalyst for change in your own life or within your team, I invite you to visit coachjohngallaghercom forward slash free call to sign up for a free coaching call with me.

00:17:33.977 --> 00:17:42.022
It's an opportunity for us to connect, discuss your unique challenges and explore how coaching or consulting can benefit you and your team.

00:17:42.022 --> 00:17:44.728
Okay, let's get back to the show.

00:17:44.728 --> 00:17:48.919
Okay, let's get back to the show.

00:17:48.919 --> 00:17:54.963
Raina, I love that and I got to imagine you didn't have much of a choice growing up in a house with four daughters.

00:17:54.963 --> 00:17:58.768
Bless your heart, as my mother-in-law here taught me to say in the South.

00:17:58.768 --> 00:18:02.490
I had two sons and I think there was a reason that God gave me boys instead of girls.

00:18:02.490 --> 00:18:03.432
There's no doubt about it.

00:18:06.278 --> 00:18:06.759
Did you have a dog?

00:18:06.759 --> 00:18:07.442
That was a girl as well.

00:18:07.442 --> 00:18:09.391
I'll interrupt you and say there's probably a reason he gave me girls too.

00:18:09.391 --> 00:18:12.840
They have softened me and some of the hard edges came off.

00:18:12.840 --> 00:18:16.778
They're like sandpaper, but it was really good it was fair enough.

00:18:16.798 --> 00:18:23.137
They probably, hopefully, hopefully, you let them know that a little bit now, uh, and as your grandkids as well, you get a chance to give some of that back.

00:18:23.137 --> 00:18:24.961
So I want to.

00:18:24.961 --> 00:18:39.778
I want to move just a little bit further, because almost in the action side, uh, one of the one of the stories inside of the book, uh, there was a quote that you said that I that I thought was really powerful, and it said champions dominate the controllables.

00:18:39.778 --> 00:18:42.423
And just, I'll just leave that there.

00:18:42.423 --> 00:18:45.357
Tell me more about that, cause I love some of those short quotes that go throughout your book.

00:18:45.377 --> 00:18:48.484
Folks have to get your yeah, oh, this one actually came years ago.

00:18:48.484 --> 00:18:58.642
I was, uh, I was down bradenton at spring practice actually with the pirates and they had this value in their organization that said control the controllables.

00:18:58.642 --> 00:19:02.755
And and so I'm I'm, uh, about to speak to all their coaches.

00:19:02.755 --> 00:19:12.566
They got 80 coaches, from low a ball all the way up to their major league guys, a bunch of coaches in this room and I walk in and the first thing I say is I think you guys need to redo one of your values.

00:19:12.566 --> 00:19:20.115
And this is the first time I met these guys and I thought they were going to throw me out of camp because it's like okay, what's this guy saying?

00:19:20.115 --> 00:19:21.196
And here's what I said.

00:19:21.196 --> 00:19:25.202
I said if it's controllable, you should dominate it.

00:19:25.202 --> 00:19:28.288
You don't need to control the control, you should dominate the controllables.

00:19:28.327 --> 00:19:29.309
I like this mindset.

00:19:29.309 --> 00:19:36.019
If there's things under my control, then I do my very best to run up the score in those areas.

00:19:36.019 --> 00:19:40.569
I think there's so many things that are not under my control and I'm going to have to work really hard to have the right attitude.

00:19:40.569 --> 00:19:44.142
What if I demonstrate love to somebody and they don't love me back?

00:19:44.142 --> 00:19:51.300
There's a lot of things I can't control, but the things that I can control my attitude, whether I show up, whether I'm.

00:19:51.320 --> 00:19:52.166
You know, let's say I'm reading to my kids.

00:19:52.166 --> 00:19:54.240
You got your, your boys, back in the day, you're going to read to them at night.

00:19:54.240 --> 00:19:55.740
It's easy to be there.

00:19:55.740 --> 00:20:02.446
Without being there, I think we come home and we're we're tired and we need to, you know, chill.

00:20:02.446 --> 00:20:05.327
And so I don't want to be that kind of dad, I don't want to be that kind of mom.

00:20:05.327 --> 00:20:16.478
If I'm listening here, or even if you're, if you're a kid, I mean, you know, as you start thinking about how you treat your brother, your sister, there's just so much there that we can control and I and I just those are the areas.

00:20:16.478 --> 00:20:23.205
It's hard enough, you know, but if there's things that I have that I get to choose, I want to dominate that.

00:20:23.205 --> 00:20:27.891
I really want to try to, you know, bring my very best to that, and I think that's what makes those relationships better.

00:20:29.798 --> 00:20:31.315
So bring it home a little bit here, randy.

00:20:31.315 --> 00:20:44.951
Then tell me some of the habits or disciplines or traits that you had that help you to be or help you to love first and live last, as you raise your children and as you succeeded as a leader as well.

00:20:46.474 --> 00:20:47.258
Yeah, that's great.

00:20:47.258 --> 00:20:52.304
Well, as I look back, there are no perfect moms and dads or no perfect families.

00:20:52.304 --> 00:20:53.406
It's just, we're just all people.

00:20:53.406 --> 00:20:58.359
And there are things that I look back and think, man, I, I, I could have done better there.

00:20:58.359 --> 00:21:02.257
I'm learning with my grandkids, you get, you get a little bit of a do over here and and.

00:21:02.257 --> 00:21:15.531
But but I, you know, I think some of the things that really helped our family and and one of the things I love about our family now is it's everybody's still close and they try to get together and you know, girls all love each other.

00:21:15.531 --> 00:21:22.316
It's really fun.

00:21:22.355 --> 00:21:24.983
But but I think one of the things that we did that was really important is we showed up for each other's events.

00:21:24.983 --> 00:21:27.069
That was that would be just, you know, just trying to be there when you, when you could.

00:21:27.069 --> 00:21:28.875
That was that would be just, you know, just trying to be there when you, when you could.

00:21:28.875 --> 00:21:34.479
And I know different people have different schedules and they're you don't have to be at everything.

00:21:34.479 --> 00:21:36.162
But but I want to encourage you to ask yourself do I do?

00:21:36.162 --> 00:21:44.446
I want to prioritize this thing at work over this thing at home and at some point, your time is what's on the line here and not just your time.

00:21:44.446 --> 00:22:08.336
Your time is what you judge that against, but but it's it's those relationships that are going to last way, beyond that project or something you have going, and so how you manage all that capacity side we talked about on the work side, there's things that we have to do there and structure that we build and all that, but but there's only one dad, there's only one mom for your kids, there's only one of you that can show up, and so to me, that's where it started.

00:22:08.496 --> 00:22:12.726
The other thing I would say that was really important was the words we use.

00:22:12.726 --> 00:22:17.182
There's an old proverb that says words kill or words give life.

00:22:17.182 --> 00:22:19.717
They're either poison or they're fruit, and you get to choose.

00:22:19.717 --> 00:22:20.759
So that's what the proverb says.

00:22:20.759 --> 00:22:26.359
I love that, and I think sometimes, if we're not careful, our words can really be damaging.

00:22:26.359 --> 00:22:33.109
I heard somebody say one time that a father's words are like a mom's words are 100 pounds.

00:22:33.109 --> 00:22:39.140
This guy said a dad's words are like 1,000 pounds.

00:22:39.140 --> 00:22:42.747
Moms usually have a better way of saying stuff than us dads do.

00:22:42.747 --> 00:22:53.791
Either way, if you're a mom or a dad, your words are weighty and they really impact your kids, either in a negative way or a positive way and you get to choose that and I love that.

00:22:53.791 --> 00:22:56.794
So the way we use our words is is important.

00:22:56.794 --> 00:23:00.826
There's a quote in the book that says you're never persuasive when you're abrasive.

00:23:01.455 --> 00:23:03.542
I think sometimes we're harsh with each other.

00:23:03.542 --> 00:23:05.244
If we're not careful, we get with the people that that know us the best.

00:23:05.244 --> 00:23:06.295
We're harsh with each other if we're not careful.

00:23:06.295 --> 00:23:12.837
We get with the people that know us the best and rather than wanting them to love us the most, we just want to fix them or point it out to them.

00:23:12.837 --> 00:23:19.371
And our expectations can be so high and my wife always told me, saying it louder doesn't make you more right.

00:23:19.799 --> 00:23:26.653
I think sometimes we need to back up and just really ask ourselves do we want to be right or do we want to get it right?

00:23:26.653 --> 00:23:35.494
And I think when we really begin to evaluate our words and we really speak positive words, it can be so life-giving.

00:23:35.494 --> 00:23:39.605
And I don't have any regret when I say positive stuff.

00:23:39.605 --> 00:23:42.570
It's when I'm if I'm negative or I'm harsh.

00:23:42.570 --> 00:23:45.480
I don't know anybody that's ever like oh, I love it.

00:23:45.480 --> 00:23:48.190
When you're harsh with me, it makes me want to change.

00:23:48.190 --> 00:23:52.180
That's not, we know that, but sometimes we have to pull back and have that.

00:23:52.180 --> 00:23:58.226
So hopefully the book gives some people some just lots of ideas there about ways that they can get that right.

00:24:00.900 --> 00:24:03.834
Well, I think you do a really nice job in the back of the book, putting it on the lower shelf for us as leaders.

00:24:03.834 --> 00:24:10.011
The first thing you run into is the 15 question assessment in the back, and I won't go through all of those Again.

00:24:10.011 --> 00:24:12.230
I think folks need to read it, but I guess I get to.

00:24:12.230 --> 00:24:15.964
Well, first of all there was one that pierced me and you just said it, made me write it down.

00:24:15.964 --> 00:24:17.971
Saying it louder doesn't make you more right.

00:24:25.480 --> 00:24:27.829
One of the questions is are you able to remain calm, basically even when you get upset, and not raise your voice?

00:24:27.829 --> 00:24:34.900
And I had to be very reflective myself if I own that and some of the things I'm capable of doing are raising my voice, trying to get folks to hear me more than they might not hear me the first time that you go through.

00:24:34.900 --> 00:24:38.866
But tell me about the construct of the back of that book.

00:24:38.866 --> 00:24:43.355
You invest a big part of the book in those exercises, tactics, disciplines.

00:24:43.355 --> 00:24:44.726
How did you put that together?

00:24:44.726 --> 00:24:47.769
And I'm going to assume that's part of your regular coaching program that you have as well.

00:24:49.301 --> 00:24:50.426
Yeah, it really is.

00:24:50.426 --> 00:24:58.054
So we go and we teach content about high performance and talent and all kinds of stuff.

00:24:58.054 --> 00:25:00.484
Engagement I mean people's engagement is so low.

00:25:00.484 --> 00:25:06.461
We've done all this work For Chick-fil-A.

00:25:06.461 --> 00:25:11.048
We did a lot of that and tried to help them with all that stuff, and so one of the things we've done on the backside of that is is try to make it actionable.

00:25:11.200 --> 00:25:14.560
One of the things I really believe is that you behave your way to high performance.

00:25:14.560 --> 00:25:18.027
I know, I know my buddy Mark was on your show.

00:25:18.027 --> 00:25:20.290
I don't know if he said this or not, but we talk about it all the time.

00:25:20.290 --> 00:25:30.388
Hope is not a strategy, and I think sometimes when we get in our family life, we're like I hope it gets better or maybe something's going to change, and that's not enough.

00:25:30.388 --> 00:25:35.682
We have to have something we can do to behave our way to where we want to go, and so I thought why not do it in this book?

00:25:35.682 --> 00:25:36.122
I love the story.

00:25:36.122 --> 00:25:37.022
I why not do it in this book?

00:25:37.063 --> 00:25:52.030
I love the story, I think the story is good and you can get a lot out of the story, but at the end of the day, that activation guide is really to me, that's where the magic is, anybody who's listening can have a better situation outside of work.

00:25:52.030 --> 00:25:56.307
If they will just take some simple steps, their relationships can get better.

00:25:56.307 --> 00:26:02.207
I mean, really any area of their life outside of work can get better if they'll apply some of the things that we talked about there.

00:26:02.207 --> 00:26:06.243
So to me, I thought let's give them some tactics, some things they can practice.

00:26:06.243 --> 00:26:12.528
Go back to the athletes that we've worked with in the past and the coaches they're constantly practicing every day.

00:26:12.528 --> 00:26:15.260
It's what makes them elite, and and so why would we be any different?

00:26:15.260 --> 00:26:25.935
Why would we want to have an elite family but we're not willing to put in the work to, to, to practice, and if we'll practice, um it actually it's amazing what happens.

00:26:26.760 --> 00:26:28.126
Well, I think I think, a nice job with that.

00:26:28.126 --> 00:26:45.243
I actually I found myself you set it up really well for the next book coming out because I found myself at the end of the parable saying, oh, I want more, I want to hear, I want to hear how it kept going, I want to and that's part of the story.

00:26:45.243 --> 00:26:47.092
I mean, you create that next part of the story as a leader by completing those exercises.

00:26:47.092 --> 00:26:48.538
At least that's what I make up about it in terms of how it's going on.

00:26:48.538 --> 00:26:51.065
So look, Randy, folks read your book and I'm sure many are going to buy it.

00:26:51.065 --> 00:26:53.191
I expect it to be on the bestseller list.

00:26:53.191 --> 00:27:00.087
When folks have read it, they put it up on a shelf, like the one behind me, and they see the binder of it.

00:27:00.087 --> 00:27:06.662
You know, six months, nine months from now, what do you hope, even though it's not a strategy, what do you hope?

00:27:06.662 --> 00:27:12.403
That winning begins at home, what type of impact it has on an individual and what they think of when you see your book.

00:27:13.346 --> 00:27:15.612
Yeah, well, a couple of things I would say.

00:27:15.612 --> 00:27:23.694
The first thing is I hope that they will take some of the stuff out of the back of that and it will become a regular part of what we call it a family blueprint.

00:27:23.694 --> 00:27:36.614
I remember years ago when we when we built our home actually the home where I live now, but we've had this, we've been here 20 years but when we built it, my wife comes to me and says I want, I want a house.

00:27:36.614 --> 00:27:38.163
And I'm like we have a house.

00:27:38.163 --> 00:27:39.567
And she's like, no, I want a new house.

00:27:39.567 --> 00:27:40.410
I'm like, well, we have a house.

00:27:40.410 --> 00:27:41.673
And she's like, no, I want a new house.

00:27:41.673 --> 00:27:42.655
I'm like, you know, or I want another house.

00:27:42.655 --> 00:27:43.397
I'm like, why do we need two houses?

00:27:43.397 --> 00:27:43.558
I don't.

00:27:43.558 --> 00:27:44.863
I don't want this house anymore, I want another.

00:27:44.863 --> 00:27:46.166
And it was crazy.

00:27:46.247 --> 00:27:50.401
She had a graph paper with the whole thing designed out.

00:27:50.401 --> 00:27:56.402
And now we live here and and it looks a lot like, uh, what she had on that paper, it was pretty good and she's not an architect.

00:27:56.402 --> 00:28:01.173
We had to have an architect to tell us where the thermostats and that kind of stuff go and what looks like on the outside.

00:28:01.173 --> 00:28:10.411
But but she, she, she laid it out like this is what I think would be great for our family and, if you can, back in the day we had one little bathroom for four daughters.

00:28:10.411 --> 00:28:20.692
She's like that's not going to work long term for what we're doing here, and so I think I think that mindset of having a blueprint for what you want, that just hit me.

00:28:20.692 --> 00:28:28.428
And so in the back of the book there is that family blueprint that you create and I would hope somebody would continually come back to that and do some of that.

00:28:28.428 --> 00:28:30.076
You talk about the assessment questions.

00:28:30.076 --> 00:28:37.042
Those things are things that we could ask ourselves every month and have conversations about over coffee with our spouse or one of our kids.

00:28:37.042 --> 00:28:39.648
I mean, I think that's important.

00:28:39.648 --> 00:28:52.653
But really beyond that, beyond the individual who reads the book and I hope a bunch of people do that and their families get better but really I'm passionate about everybody getting to grow up in a great family.

00:28:53.280 --> 00:28:56.184
I had that opportunity Wasn't a perfect family.

00:28:56.184 --> 00:28:59.390
There was lots of dysfunction, just like every other family.

00:28:59.390 --> 00:29:07.752
But I think in today's world there's so much instability for kids that don't get to grow up with their parents.

00:29:07.752 --> 00:29:15.010
There's strife between siblings as they get older and a lot of that is foundational.

00:29:15.010 --> 00:29:18.266
It just wasn't there, and so that blueprint.

00:29:18.286 --> 00:29:20.852
When we built this home, first thing we did was a foundation.

00:29:20.852 --> 00:29:30.608
I hope that book becomes a foundation to grow a bunch of great families around the world, cause I'm not sure, no matter which way you vote, I'm not sure the government's about to fix all the problems that we have.

00:29:30.608 --> 00:29:38.125
Or I've got a bunch of friends who are educators and they're all telling me education or that they're teachers, that education is not about to fix it all.

00:29:38.125 --> 00:29:56.044
I think it starts at home, and so to me, this this can be a stepping stone to that, and I hope people will not only get the book, but they'll get it for their friends and the people around them that they want to, um, to encourage as well, because this, this family unit, it's really the.

00:29:56.044 --> 00:29:57.348
To me, it's the most important unit.

00:29:58.540 --> 00:29:59.644
Love that, brandon.

00:29:59.644 --> 00:30:00.228
Thank you for that.

00:30:00.228 --> 00:30:02.267
Where do you want folks to find your book, brandon?

00:30:02.267 --> 00:30:04.707
We've got it coming out today, when this podcast is released.

00:30:04.707 --> 00:30:05.690
Where do you want them to go find it?

00:30:06.279 --> 00:30:11.412
Yeah, well, it's available on Amazon and Barnes, noble and anywhere you get your books.

00:30:11.412 --> 00:30:12.982
It's there we also have.

00:30:12.982 --> 00:30:14.167
I'll give them our site.

00:30:14.167 --> 00:30:31.634
It's available at leadeverydaycom and I will say this if they buy the book this week and they come back to Lead Every Day and they put it I didn't buy it anywhere but if it comes to Lead Every Day and they put in their info there, we've got a bunch of stuff that we've created, a bunch of bonus stuff.

00:30:31.634 --> 00:30:33.587
I think there's $150 worth of bonus stuff.

00:30:33.607 --> 00:30:34.933
We've done a course on this.

00:30:34.933 --> 00:30:43.693
We're giving them access to our Lead Every Day Academy, which is what we use in our corporate space, and all kind of fun stuff there for them to do.

00:30:43.693 --> 00:30:52.441
So, wherever you buy it, come back to leadeverydaycom, and I think it's leadeverydaycom slash winning, or you can go to winningbeginsathomecom, either one.

00:30:52.441 --> 00:30:58.548
It'll take you to the same page and you get all those bonuses there, all kind of fun stuff that we'll do for your company If you buy enough copies.

00:30:58.548 --> 00:31:01.101
Uh, we're doing some cool stuff there.

00:31:01.101 --> 00:31:02.647
So, yeah, check that out, it'd be great.

00:31:03.673 --> 00:31:03.973
Excellent.

00:31:03.973 --> 00:31:05.038
I'm looking forward to it.

00:31:05.038 --> 00:31:08.130
I'll put the links to the show in the show notes to make sure that happens.

00:31:08.130 --> 00:31:14.349
Randy, I sure have appreciated your time that you've invested with the listeners the uncommon leader podcast today.

00:31:14.349 --> 00:31:15.380
I want to finish.

00:31:15.380 --> 00:31:19.727
You may have touched on some of these, or maybe there's just another thing that you really haven't had a chance to say yet.

00:31:19.727 --> 00:31:24.034
But the last question I finish up all my guests with is, as I'm going to give you a billboard.

00:31:24.034 --> 00:31:28.106
You got it there right in Atlanta and there's a lot of traffic in Atlanta I've learned that recently going through there.

00:31:28.106 --> 00:31:30.087
So you got a lot of people are going to drive by and see it.

00:31:30.087 --> 00:31:34.123
What's the message you want to put on that billboard and why do you?

00:31:35.723 --> 00:31:39.186
Well, before I answer that, let me say thank you to all you do and your show.

00:31:39.186 --> 00:31:39.646
It's great.

00:31:39.646 --> 00:31:44.090
I've loved that you're doing what you're doing to help serve leaders, so that's fantastic.

00:31:44.090 --> 00:31:52.537
If I had a billboard and I could put one message on it, it's kind of a little bit of a jolt, but if you win at work and you lose at home, I think you still lose.

00:31:52.537 --> 00:31:58.019
Let's make sure we can do everything we can to win where it matters most.

00:31:58.640 --> 00:31:58.961
Love that, randy.

00:31:58.961 --> 00:31:59.723
Thank you again.

00:31:59.723 --> 00:32:03.223
Best of luck on the launch of the book and everything going forward, okay.

00:32:04.126 --> 00:32:04.588
That's great.

00:32:04.588 --> 00:32:05.130
Thank you, John.

00:32:08.361 --> 00:32:11.128
And that wraps up another episode of the Uncommon Leader Podcast.

00:32:11.128 --> 00:32:12.271
Thanks for tuning in today.

00:32:12.271 --> 00:32:19.750
If you found value in this episode, I encourage you to share it with your friends, colleagues or anyone else who could benefit from the insights and inspiration we've shared.

00:32:19.750 --> 00:32:27.288
Also, if you have a moment, I'd greatly appreciate it if you could leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast platform.

00:32:27.288 --> 00:32:34.231
Your feedback not only helps us to improve, but it also helps others discover the podcast and join our growing community of uncommon leaders.

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Until next time, go and grow champions.