Transcript
WEBVTT
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Anybody who's listening can have a better situation outside of work.
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If they will just take some simple steps, their relationships can get better.
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So to me, I thought let's give them some tactics, some things they can practice.
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Go back to the athletes that we've worked with in the past and the coaches they're constantly practicing every day.
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It's what makes them elite, and so why would we be any different?
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Why would we want to have an elite family but we're not willing to put in the work to practice?
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And if we'll practice it actually, it's amazing what happens.
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Hey, uncommon Leaders, welcome back.
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This is the Uncommon Leader Podcast and I'm your host, john Gallagher.
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In this episode, I have an insightful conversation with Randy Gravitt, an author and leadership expert.
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In our discussion today.
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It revolves around Randy's newly released book Winning Begins at Home.
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He shares the transformative power of helping others succeed, both in the workplace and at home, and emphasized that true champions focus on controlling what they can to achieve their best.
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He speaks passionately about the essential balance between professional triumphs and nurturing family relationships, recounting lessons from his own childhood and the influences that led him to write this book.
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This conversation will inspire and equip you to build stronger, more impactful relationships at both home and in your career.
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Let's get started.
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Let's get started, randy Gravitt.
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Welcome to the Uncommon Leader Podcast.
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It's great to have you on the show.
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I'm looking forward to our conversation today.
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How are you doing?
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I'm doing great, John.
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Thanks for having me Pumped up about hanging out with you.
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Thanks for all you do for leaders.
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It's cool.
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It's going to be really cool to talk about your book that's come out now Winning Begins at Home, however, I don't give any of my first-time guests a break.
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I always ask them the first question just to get them started and get them loose, and that's to tell me a story from your childhood that still impacts who you are as a person or a leader today.
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Yeah, that's great, great question, Love looking back, and actually part of the book goes back to my childhood.
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Really, I dedicated the book to my dad.
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And a crazy story.
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I think I was maybe 12 years old.
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I was playing Little League baseball and it was the summer that.
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From where I'm from a little small town, so it may have been invented a little before that, but it's the summer that aluminum baseball bats come to our hometown First one I ever see.
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I get one for Christmas before the season and I was so excited.
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I thought, man, I'm going to, I'm going to be, uh, hitting some home runs this year, cause I wasn't.
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I wasn't much of a home run hitter, I was just a little guy and uh, but I was.
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It was my last year in the league and I was kind of one of the old guys now and so it was my turn to, you know, be be one of the guys.
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And, and my dad, uh, that's the year.
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My dad said, no, we're gonna actually teach you how to bunt.
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And I thought, man, this guy has lost his mind and and and he did, and I and uh, there's there's actually a story in the book about um, about this in the fable or the parable about this guy teaching the kids how to bunt, and it really goes back to my dad and I had no idea at the time, john, but he was actually teaching me that if you're really going to be a leader, you're going to have to learn to sacrifice for others and help them win.
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So, yeah, I go all the way back to 10, 11, 12 years old learning those lessons.
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My dad taught me so much through that him and my mom both.
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It's fun to look back.
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Love that.
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Thanks for sharing that.
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Just over my shoulder there right there is my only home run ball.
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I guess they don't give you when I was 12 years old, back just a few years ago.
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They don't give you those and put numbers on them for the bunting.
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But you're absolutely right, the sacrifice that happens.
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It often doesn't show up in the box score in terms of that win.
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But as a leader, there are a lot of things we do.
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John Maxwell's pretty clear about the law of sacrifice as well, so I appreciate you sharing that story and I think it does tee up really well to really talk about your book Now.
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When I got a chance to read an advanced copy, I was pretty excited about it and you had me in the first paragraph.
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I'd love to read, frankly, the introduction and the conclusions, first acknowledgements, just to see about the author, and one of the things you touched on in the very first page was the challenges that families are under today.
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One of the statistics that you mentioned that's very important to me as I go through my coaching process as well, is that the divorce rate in our country is at about 50%.
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So that sets up a pretty good why.
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But tell me, what was the catalyst behind your book coming out?
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Winning Begins at Home.
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Yeah, so through the years, I have a leadership development company.
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So I, through the years, I have a leadership development company and we work with all kind of companies and organizations and we do training and teaching and executive coaching and work with just lots of high powered leaders, all kind of sectors and industries, which is cool.
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But one of the things that I kept noticing was that there's just this struggle these days with people.
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I mean, they're winning at work.
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A lot of people feel like they're winning at work, but what's happening outside of work is not so good, and so I had somebody tell me, if you win at work and you lose at home, I think you still lose.
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It came through a conversation I was actually with a football coach professional football coach and assistant coach who was a former player and had won a super bowl years ago, and he talked about how, when the, when the game was over, he said I'm standing over, you know the stage is out, the confetti's falling, it's great, but he said it's just this one little area.
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It looks on tv like it's everything, but it's just one little corner of the field and I'm standing there looking, he said, at some of our coaches and they just their families are not where they need to be.
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And he said now I'm a coach.
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And he said I've got two little girls and I'm asking myself can you?
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And he's working for a great team and they've got a chance to win a Super Bowl.
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He said I'm wondering can you win a Super Bowl and and have a great family?
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And he asked me that question and he said he said what do you think?
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And I told him I said well, if you can't, if you can't win a Superbowl and without losing your family, why do you want a Superbowl?
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And we started having this conversation and then, all of a sudden, it just started going.
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Everywhere I would go, people would say, man, I don't feel like I'm winning outside of work, and so everybody's talking about all the leadership.
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People are talking about stuff to help your companies get better.
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I mean, it's what we do, it's how we make our living.
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But it just was a passion of mine how can we help these?
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These uh leaders went outside of work and so I thought you know, I'll, I'll write this, uh, I'll write the story and put the strategy together and and, uh, try to help some people win where it matters most.
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So that's, that's really how it started.
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No, I appreciate that and I really appreciate the format of the book, being the biggest part of the book being a parable.
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So I'm going to put you in with some other great authors that I love to read John Gordon and Andy Andrews and even Patrick Lencioni writing leadership books, really about stories, about parables, and we know the success that Jesus had as well in terms of telling parables to train his disciples.
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So it all goes really well.
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And then the second half of your book, or a little bit less than half, is the.
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You know the tactics and a plan to help put that in place.
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But what, what, um, what drove you to write it in the form of a story rather than the traditional?
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Call it a structure book, if you will.
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Yeah, well, I'm, I'm actually a storyteller and I, uh, and I just connect with stories better.
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I think people's connect with stories.
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Uh, I love the idea that you can, you can put some truth out there that that really people can resonate with.
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John Gordon actually endorsed the book he's a friend and and he went down that road.
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And then Mark Miller, who I work with, mark his first.
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He's written.
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The last three or four books have been what we call big, big people books, but the first, uh, the first eight or 10 that he did were parables as well, and I've written a couple of parables and I just, I just think they connect with people.
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Lencioni's books have been great.
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I've loved those.
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Um, I just love the simple, uh, relatable character with a, with a mentor that can kind of help us see some things maybe that are, you know, unique to us.
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But there's a lot of stuff in there that's just.
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It's just every single person struggling with, you know, and so I don't know, I felt like that's a good way to go about it.
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I'm not against traditional books, but the parables just connect with me.
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So I thought, you know, I heard David McCullough.
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He's a, he's an historian.
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He said one time somebody asked him about his books, he said I always write a book that I would like to read, and so that's that's what I did here.
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I thought I'll just write a book I think it'd be fun to read, so that's what I did.
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Well, I thought it was great and I love the play on words.
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Even the title winning begins at home both in the home, but also the baseball analogy that you use throughout is a lot of fun to read through.
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So I think you did a really nice job and I appreciate that.
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So let's talk about that.
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With regards to the story and what it meant a strategy for winning beyond work so one of the things that you talk about in there is really having to redefine what success is, and I think you touched on this a little bit.
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But what are some of the barriers that you see folks going through that they believe they can or cannot, frankly, win at both work and life?
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Yeah, well, I think the world that we live in now is way more complex than the world I grew up with, you know, with aluminum baseball bats.
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I mean, I think the world that we live in now is way more complex than the world I grew up with, you know, with aluminum baseball bats.
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I mean it's just.
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I mean it has gotten to a point where technology is is just so high speed and I even think about your, your email, if you have email.
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I mean I don't know anybody that doesn't have email in today's world and and our inboxes stay full.
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There's, there's all these emails and we've got details coming at us like never before, and just on and on and on.
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It becomes a lot of noise in today's world.
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I've been reminding leaders lately.
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If you don't believe it, think about this.
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Noise is on your schedule, whether you put it there or not.
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I mean it's just, there's so much noise going on from those emails to you, know, your people, even your family.
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I mean there's just noise all in the system, so to speak, and yet quiet doesn't make it on your calendar unless you, unless you put it there.
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And I think sometimes we just don't have enough space in our lives to really think through what do we want, and at work, and much less at home, and and if we're not careful, we just end up going through the motions, and so I think the challenges are are bigger than they've ever been.
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There's a there's a lot of angst and strife in our culture now that it just feels like it just gets ramped up every every year, maybe every day, I you know, as I think about it.
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So I think a lot of that challenge and people at some point just say you know, I'm just trying to survive and I'm not really sure that's what we're born to do.
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I think that we really are born to have a great life full of joy, and if we're not careful we can just forfeit all that and we get to the end and there's a bunch of regret and that's just not what we want.
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Randy, I love that You've been a leadership coach to my hometown Pittsburgh Pirates as I was growing up as a kid a Pittsburgh Pirate fan.
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They haven't given me a whole lot to cheer about lately, so maybe you can go back and work with them a little bit more.
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You've been a leadership coach for the Buffalo Bills as well and, I'm sure, high performers in your leadership organization, because now you're dealing with basically with individuals who have been told for a long time that they're doing things great and they are successful and you get a chance to chat with them about really what that means.
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How do you?
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how do you get started with them?
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Yeah, well, I think, at the end of the day, we're all people and every single person is just trying to do the best they can for themselves and their family and the people around them, their community.
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They still care about people and still care about stuff.
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And even those organizations that you mentioned some of the other organizations that we've worked with Chick-fil-A and a lot of really great leaders in those organizations care about their community.
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In fact, chick-fil-a is stating right now their vision is to be the most caring company in the world.
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I love that.
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I think it's just great that you start thinking about community impact and all that kind of stuff, and so it can be a ball player is making millions of dollars at the end of the day, if they really get you pull the onion layer back and are under the look.
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Under the hood there's there's typically somebody under there that that really wants to have a great family life, wants to have a great, you know, impact on the field.
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Sure, they like to make a lot of money.
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That's fantastic.
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But if you just make a bunch of money, it goes back really to our definition of winning.
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If you just make a bunch of money and you miss out on the things that matter most, I'm not sure we end up winning, and so I always talk about making sure that we're helping other people win.
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To me is that's what makes you a winner.
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If I lie down at night and I didn't.
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All I did was just take up space.
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I didn't help anybody else.
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I'm not sure I really won.
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So I want to remind those athletes, coaches, anybody that we're, we're working with, that that there's a, there's a different kind of way to think about life and we're not careful.
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We'll just think like everybody else thinks and then we end up missing out on what we really want.
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So I don't know if that answers your question but I think you're pretty close right on.
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I mean, I look at, listen to what you say successful leaders, successful coaches they do win games.
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There's no doubt about it.
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They do succeed in business, but the ones that are great are the ones that have an impact on others and grow other leaders that result in generational impact and things that are going on.
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So I think you're spot on in terms of that story and it does force us to re-evaluate our definition of success, and I believe one of the things you touched on there is you had defined in your book is success as when the people who know you the best love you the most.
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I just found that as profound and simplistic and epic, and I think as leaders, too often we if I own it a little bit myself as well see success as our success in business and it becomes very individual, especially as an entrepreneur.
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But really the greatest story ever told, as I talk about in my coaching program, is when those who know you the best love you the most and those who know you the best write your name on their list of people who have made a positive impact on their life.
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So I think you're right there and I want you to elaborate on something.
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The other thing you said early on in the book is that love is a verb.
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You had two points Love first, live last and you said inside the book that love is a verb.
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So expand on that a little bit for me.
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So that's a great question.
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So as I'm working with these sports teams, let me go back to that.
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They all have fundamentals and really any endeavor in life but football team blocking and tackling.
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If you're a musician, you've got scales and the ability to read music and there's lots of things that we can practice on.
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So I started asking myself what are the things in a family that are the fundamentals?
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And I came up with these two ideas of loving first and living last, and so loving first.
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I think that's a really great place to start.
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It's just the deal If I will give people the benefit of the doubt and I will really begin to be present when I'm present, some of these kind of things.
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So I started asking myself this question is love just a noun?
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I mean we think it is a noun.
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I mean we describe love, but love, at the end of the day, is something you do.
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It's about sacrifice and you demonstrate love and you can't demonstrate love unless you love.
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So that mindset.
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To me it really shaped the way I thought about raising our own family, my wife and I.
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We have four daughters and they're grown up now and have kids of their own.
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But as I've watched them grow up, I always ask myself what's it like to be on the other side of the table?
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And this language I use is let's give them the home field advantage.
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I find a lot of times we want to get the last word, we want to make our point and I'm just not sure that's a really good formula for home.
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It's really good if we go back again to what we say.
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How do we help the other person win?
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It's almost.
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I've got a friend who says it's like an offensive lineman mindset.
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You know we're not even in the football season right now, but everything is about the NFL and everybody's talking about.
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But if you listen to it on on any you watch anything, you'll hear about quarterbacks and coaches and receivers and people who score, or or you know the coaches who are making the decisions.
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You don't hear very much about offensive linemen and I think that is a beautiful picture of somebody who wakes up in the morning and they show up at these facilities and they get all taped up and padded up and they go out on the field and they open up holes so other people can score.
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And if you're a mom or a dad and you're listening.
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You're probably not going to be thanked for keeping your kids alive another week or making sure they're fed and spending time with them those kinds of things.
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They just won't really appreciate that like they should.
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But let me say that every time you show up and you help somebody else, you demonstrate love, and this can happen in the workplace as well.
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It doesn't have to be just a home deal, but I love this mindset to live your life to help other people win, to open up a way so somebody else can score.
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When you do that to me that makes you a winner.
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So that would be my little spin there on love being a verb inspired by our conversation and are seeking a catalyst for change in your own life or within your team, I invite you to visit coachjohngallaghercom forward slash free call to sign up for a free coaching call with me.
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It's an opportunity for us to connect, discuss your unique challenges and explore how coaching or consulting can benefit you and your team.
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Okay, let's get back to the show.
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Okay, let's get back to the show.
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Raina, I love that and I got to imagine you didn't have much of a choice growing up in a house with four daughters.
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Bless your heart, as my mother-in-law here taught me to say in the South.
00:17:58.768 --> 00:18:02.490
I had two sons and I think there was a reason that God gave me boys instead of girls.
00:18:02.490 --> 00:18:03.432
There's no doubt about it.
00:18:06.278 --> 00:18:06.759
Did you have a dog?
00:18:06.759 --> 00:18:07.442
That was a girl as well.
00:18:07.442 --> 00:18:09.391
I'll interrupt you and say there's probably a reason he gave me girls too.
00:18:09.391 --> 00:18:12.840
They have softened me and some of the hard edges came off.
00:18:12.840 --> 00:18:16.778
They're like sandpaper, but it was really good it was fair enough.
00:18:16.798 --> 00:18:23.137
They probably, hopefully, hopefully, you let them know that a little bit now, uh, and as your grandkids as well, you get a chance to give some of that back.
00:18:23.137 --> 00:18:24.961
So I want to.
00:18:24.961 --> 00:18:39.778
I want to move just a little bit further, because almost in the action side, uh, one of the one of the stories inside of the book, uh, there was a quote that you said that I that I thought was really powerful, and it said champions dominate the controllables.
00:18:39.778 --> 00:18:42.423
And just, I'll just leave that there.
00:18:42.423 --> 00:18:45.357
Tell me more about that, cause I love some of those short quotes that go throughout your book.
00:18:45.377 --> 00:18:48.484
Folks have to get your yeah, oh, this one actually came years ago.
00:18:48.484 --> 00:18:58.642
I was, uh, I was down bradenton at spring practice actually with the pirates and they had this value in their organization that said control the controllables.
00:18:58.642 --> 00:19:02.755
And and so I'm I'm, uh, about to speak to all their coaches.
00:19:02.755 --> 00:19:12.566
They got 80 coaches, from low a ball all the way up to their major league guys, a bunch of coaches in this room and I walk in and the first thing I say is I think you guys need to redo one of your values.
00:19:12.566 --> 00:19:20.115
And this is the first time I met these guys and I thought they were going to throw me out of camp because it's like okay, what's this guy saying?
00:19:20.115 --> 00:19:21.196
And here's what I said.
00:19:21.196 --> 00:19:25.202
I said if it's controllable, you should dominate it.
00:19:25.202 --> 00:19:28.288
You don't need to control the control, you should dominate the controllables.
00:19:28.327 --> 00:19:29.309
I like this mindset.
00:19:29.309 --> 00:19:36.019
If there's things under my control, then I do my very best to run up the score in those areas.
00:19:36.019 --> 00:19:40.569
I think there's so many things that are not under my control and I'm going to have to work really hard to have the right attitude.
00:19:40.569 --> 00:19:44.142
What if I demonstrate love to somebody and they don't love me back?
00:19:44.142 --> 00:19:51.300
There's a lot of things I can't control, but the things that I can control my attitude, whether I show up, whether I'm.
00:19:51.320 --> 00:19:52.166
You know, let's say I'm reading to my kids.
00:19:52.166 --> 00:19:54.240
You got your, your boys, back in the day, you're going to read to them at night.
00:19:54.240 --> 00:19:55.740
It's easy to be there.
00:19:55.740 --> 00:20:02.446
Without being there, I think we come home and we're we're tired and we need to, you know, chill.
00:20:02.446 --> 00:20:05.327
And so I don't want to be that kind of dad, I don't want to be that kind of mom.
00:20:05.327 --> 00:20:16.478
If I'm listening here, or even if you're, if you're a kid, I mean, you know, as you start thinking about how you treat your brother, your sister, there's just so much there that we can control and I and I just those are the areas.
00:20:16.478 --> 00:20:23.205
It's hard enough, you know, but if there's things that I have that I get to choose, I want to dominate that.
00:20:23.205 --> 00:20:27.891
I really want to try to, you know, bring my very best to that, and I think that's what makes those relationships better.
00:20:29.798 --> 00:20:31.315
So bring it home a little bit here, randy.
00:20:31.315 --> 00:20:44.951
Then tell me some of the habits or disciplines or traits that you had that help you to be or help you to love first and live last, as you raise your children and as you succeeded as a leader as well.
00:20:46.474 --> 00:20:47.258
Yeah, that's great.
00:20:47.258 --> 00:20:52.304
Well, as I look back, there are no perfect moms and dads or no perfect families.
00:20:52.304 --> 00:20:53.406
It's just, we're just all people.
00:20:53.406 --> 00:20:58.359
And there are things that I look back and think, man, I, I, I could have done better there.
00:20:58.359 --> 00:21:02.257
I'm learning with my grandkids, you get, you get a little bit of a do over here and and.
00:21:02.257 --> 00:21:15.531
But but I, you know, I think some of the things that really helped our family and and one of the things I love about our family now is it's everybody's still close and they try to get together and you know, girls all love each other.
00:21:15.531 --> 00:21:22.316
It's really fun.
00:21:22.355 --> 00:21:24.983
But but I think one of the things that we did that was really important is we showed up for each other's events.
00:21:24.983 --> 00:21:27.069
That was that would be just, you know, just trying to be there when you, when you could.